Where'd That Manual Go?
by Italiangurlinamessedupworld
Summary: What does a day in my life revolve around ever since that fateful click? Chaos, that's what. One day a girl, who was bored out of her mind ordered some "Hetalia Units" at the time she had no clue what she'd just done. Based off of LolliDictator's Manuals.
1. I Just Did What!

I was bored out of my mind. I had looked at fan fiction, I had looked at anime, and I had even re-watched Host Club for God's sake! Nothing. Completely and utterly bored I went back on my usual anime watching site.

"Eeugh. Pop-ups! Die!" I clicked on the little red X, delete, delete, dele- wait, what? I looked at the ad. I reread it, and then I read it out loud. "Win free Hetalia Units! Just fill out the information!" Oh dear God, I sounded like Barney when I said that, curse my strange reading out loud voice, Barney scared me as a child!

Ahem. Moving on (from the purple dinosaur issue). I thought it was a scam, so I moved to exit it out when I saw the words "Earn Lots of Money!" Yes, I _am _shallow enough that it caught my attention. I mean, I live in a big house and all but… well… who wants a big house when you have nothing to put in it? So… I clicked on it. Yes, I can be an idiot when I'm bored. But I didn't know what Hetalia _was _at that time. So (stupidly), I clicked on it. Against my better judgment if I might add that (I can't… too bad), and filled it out, hitting next I expected some of that "More Offers!" stuff to pop up.

Nope.

It just said, "You're first Unit Will Be Arriving in Three (3) Business Days! Congratulations!"

…

The fuck?

I decided to Google this "Hetalia" thing. Up pop some things, I clicked on the "wiki" one.

It was… an… anime… oh crap. What did I just do? I thought for a moment, then I decided, maybe I should watch this anime, see what is to come. Unless it was all a big scam, and I was about to get stalked by some 40 year old creeper. Which would be the story of my life. I'd rather have no luck then bad luck. Really it's not so much fun when everything goes to shit. Also, I wouldn't have to worry about getting hit by a Twinkie Truck when I get older (Don't. Ask.).

I really need to stop doing stupid things when I'm bored. I pulled up my anime site again and searched "Hetalia – Axis Powers". I braced myself and clicked on episode 1. Time to find out what was to come…

In the meantime, I suppose I should describe myself, My name is Delilah (call me Deli), I'm a 15 year old self proclaimed otaku (or hikikomori, which ever floats your boat), about 5'4-5'5, 170 pounds (I wear my weight well _thank you very much_), with dark brown hair complete with streaks of purple, my eyes are a color that seems unidentifiable between blue, green, and hazel (it's kind of like… some strange mixture? I dunno, creeps me out), and I despise Mary Sues. I also have little to no upper body strength, and hate exercising. I love going on the computer and reading. And my mom was off somewhere for a long, _long _time. She was also a bit nutty, and I (sadly) acquired that trait from her. Also, one word: klutzy.

There, now you know about me. Onto the story.

After 73 episodes (which equates to about 465 minutes) I knew three things:

One - That watching this anime was possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me (Thought I would never get those 465 minutes of my life back).

Two – I was screwed. No one on the show was sane. I had no clue what they meant by Unit but… I figured that this wouldn't end well.

Three – My cat was a complete psycho. Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

Well… maybe I'll get Canada! That would be good, considering I was thinking that he was the only slightly sane one out of the bunch. But… I had a bad feeling. So at around… 3 a.m. I finally went to bed. It was probably all a scam anyways. All for a good laugh, right? Right! Shut up, I did not just sound schizophrenic.

Oh… how little I was wrong! (Possibly on both counts)

The next three days passed uneventfully, and I had nearly completely forgotten about the Units I had ordered, I started reading Hetalia fan fiction though. Well I certainly remembered when I heard a knock at my door and (carefully) looking through the peephole I noticed a guy with a huge-ass box next to him was standing at my door. I opened it slowly looking out at him, not blinking for good measure. His shirt was light blue with a picture of a- the _fuck_! Was that a flying bunny? A _mint green _one at that? I looked at his shirt more closely, did that say… Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping.

What. The. Fuck. The truck said that too. I blatantly stared at it, then looked back at the guy, then looked at the box. It was wooden and had FRAGILE and THIS END UP stamped all over it. All I really heard was "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga playing in the background as we both gave each other strange looks, me for his job, and him, well… probably for my overall general appearance. I was still wearing my pajama's and Gaara

slippers. And my hair was a bit of a nightmare. But that's not the point!

After staring at each other for a good… 3 minutes or so. He finally spoke.

"Um… you need to sign here." He told me, handing an electronic signing device over to me. I scrawled Delilah Cipriano across it and handed it back. "And here's your manual." He told me, handing me a manila envelope.

"Thank you." I replied monotonously, still slouched over, staring at him.

"Would you like me to bring it in for you?" He asked, gesturing to the box. I nodded and stepped back to let him into the front room. He rolled the giant box in (you know, on one of those roller thingies?) and dropped it on the floor, "The next one should come within five business days." He told me, my eyes widened. There were _more _on the way?

He nodded in goodbye to me then stepped back and left the house. I stood there watching him drive off trying not to laugh at the flying mint bunny mascot on the side of the truck… I lasted till he made it up the street before I burst into laughter. I cackled for about 5 minutes before I finally got up off the floor (I had fallen over in my little fit), and wiped the tears from my eyes. I looked at the box, then at the envelope in my hands. I debated opening it for a minute, and then decided that I should probably be prepared for whatever the hell I had ordered.

I opened the envelope and looked at the cover.

"IVAN BRAGINSKI: User Guide and Manual." I searched through my mental files, Ivan, which one was – oh. Russia. Crap.

I cracked open the guide and read through it. Then I read it again. I read it a third time just to be safe then I looked at the box and sighed.

"Time to get cracking, I suppose." I told myself. How the hell does one pronounce "Брат" though? I sighed again. Another job for Google.

Brat. Like Br-Ah-t. Mmkay. I looked at the manual again, so I have to… stand near the box and shout that. At the top of my lungs… okay. I stood about three feet away from the box and opened my mouth.

"Брат!" I yelled, feeling like a complete idiot, but better safe then sorry I suppose.

Out of nowhere I heard sobbing coming from the box, as my cat looked down the stairs and meowed loudly at me.

"What?" I asked her. She just meowed louder. "Frickin psycho." I muttered as I turned toward the box bracing myself, and unlocked it.

It was Russia alright, standing there in his usual outfit.

"Ah," He said, upon seeing me, in all my just-woken-up glory, "You are not Natalya." Thank God. But I didn't say that out loud.

"No… call me Deli."

"Ah… привет, Deli."

I gave him a look, "Um… huh?"

"It means hello." He told me, his smile growing bigger.

"Oh, erm… hello then. Are you hungry?" I asked, feeling slightly nervous, Ivan could probably crush me without a second thought. Or bludgeon me to death with his lead pipe. Oh yeah. Where _was _that?

"_Da_."

"Okay, just give me a minute…" I looked at the box, and stared at the top… there was a slightly smaller box up there. "Erm, Ivan?"

"_Da?"_

"Can you get that box on top of the, um… bigger box, for me? It has the rest of your things in it."

"_Da_." I blinked, he sure did use that word a lot. He handed me the box.

"Thank you, um… I don't have any Russian food, but would you like some pasta?" Oh shut up, I ate pasta all he time before Hetalia, I'm Italian, and it's in my blood. Sue me! Actually… don't.

"_Da_." Um… will he ever say anything else? I looked at the number at the bottom of the page as I turned away. Maybe he was broken, should I call customer support?

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol…" Never mind. He was fine. I needed to get some traditional Russian food soon. I walked into the kitchen where my water was boiling and set his box on the table. I carried the manual with me and set it on the counter, near the microwave, and got to work making spaghetti.

"The box is for you Ivan." I told him, cheerfully making the spaghetti. Thank God for pasta. I would sing praises in its name but my singing voice sucks. So I'll spare everyone that, just because I'm so nice, and _no,_ that's _not_ sarcasm. What makes you think that?

"Thank you, _da. _You seem nice."

"Why thank you." I told him, stirring the spaghetti in a huge pot. I looked over the manual again, well… it was a good thing that my sister was overage. I'd call customer support later and see if I could get him an I.D. that said he was over 21 though. I did _not _want to answer any awkward question my sister would ask if I told her I needed a bunch of vodka. That probably wouldn't end well. "There are some sunflowers in the backyard, if you want to pick any. Just don't pick the giant mutant one. I want to see how tall that one gets."

"_Da. _Thank you." I heard him get up and head over to the back door. As he left I felt a slight sense of relief. Why did I get the feeling he had just been sitting there staring at me?

…Oh well. I finished making the spaghetti as he came back in.

"Food's done. Take as much as you want. I'll see if I can make something you like tomorrow, okay?" I told him, as I stole a small plate of spaghetti for myself.

"_Da._" Well, sometimes it's good to be a man of few words. Meanwhile I was stressing over whether or not I should feel safer with Ivan in the house, or more afraid. I pondered it for a small moment as I set my plate down and turned to the fridge to get a glass of milk, before deciding that right now was not the time to deal with it. It's a good thing that summer had started only about five days ago. Otherwise I'd be screwed. We ate our pasta in silence. I finished quickly… well as quickly as I can, which meant he was about halfway done with his even though he'd gotten three times as much as I did.

"When you're done do you want me to show you your room?" Because even though my older sister went to college in town, she opted to stay in the dorms. So I was all alone… oh well. Now I had Ivan though. So I suppose that was a good thing. I think.

"_Da._ Thank you."

"No problem."

I cleaned off my plate, grimacing the whole time, I despise dishes.

"I'm done, _da_." I heard a voice behind me say; I jumped about three feet in the air. I had forgotten about him! Too busy thinking about how I wish we had a dish washer. A mechanical one, not a human one.

"Okay, just put the dish in the sink and I'll show you your room." I told him. He nodded and set the plate in the sink.

How the hell could I have forgotten about him? His presence was… intimidating. To say the least. I showed him up the stairs to a yellow room with a nice view of the garden.

"Thank you, _da._"

"Like I said, no problem. I'll be in my room if you need me; it's just down the hall." With a view of the woods. Stupid woods, as a kid I always thought someone was watching me in them. Thus the reason I had thick curtains and blinds.

If you can't tell, I'm completely and utterly spastic in a paranoid sense. Always have been.

"_Da _Thank you."

I gave him a smile and left the room. When I got to mine I sighed and flopped onto the bed. My cat meowed at me again, as she crawled out from under the bed.

"You're an insane cat, you know that. What the hell's wrong with you?" I asked her as she jumped onto the bed and shoved her face into mine, meowing some more. "Yeah, yeah. You're such a psychotic cat." I patted her on the head. Well… everything was going to get complicated now. I swore in my head.

Too fucking troublesome.

Author's note: I'm baaaaack! Hello everyone and sorry for disappearing forever! This is my first Hetalia fanfic, and the there _will _be more.

It was inspired by LolliDictator's Manual's she makes. They will be going in an established order, and it will help everyone who reads this if they read those. Just because I may use the manuals as a forewarning as some kind, so go read her fics! The name of the Manual in here is the name of the fic, if you have trouble finding it ask me and I can send you the link.

On a different hand, please tell me if you saw any mistakes in my writing. Or just feedback of any kind.

I have no clue if there will be any pairings in this. Just warning you if you're looking for romance.

Does anyone know who Deli was acting like when the delivery man was there? Guess!

Her nickname is pronounced "Del-EE" like where you get meat from.

Thank you all for reading! Please, leave your reviews on the way out!

EDIT: DISCLAIMER: Cause I forgot, and this will be the only one. I do not own the characters. I also do not even own the concept really, all I own is Deli, her pyscho cat, and the deliveryman. Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping was invented when my little sister asked "If we had a delivery service like in Kiki's Delivery Service, what would we call it?" and I referenced the FUNimation dub of Hetalia by saying "Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping o' course." Then we debated who would win in a fight, Flying Mint Bunny or The Log (from Naruto Abridged).


	2. Molestation: Denied!

The next five days passed by uneventfully. Well… as uneventful as five days with an Ivan unit can. Luckily, the I.D. came on the second day (by Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping at that), so I didn't have to worry about having a vodka withdrawal Ivan. Which would have scared the crap out of me, to tell you the truth.

This time however, there was no possible way that I could forget about the next Unit's arrival, despite the fact I had no clue who the hell it was. The reason I couldn't forget was because of a certain Russian that hadn't been present in my house before… like when I was wandering around on his first night in the house, I had forgotten about him until I came out of the bathroom, book in hand.

Creak.

I jumped. "Who's there?"

Then, to the left of me I heard, "Me, _da._" I jumped again.

"Yeeeeeeek!" I screeched, brandishing the book. I crouched down slightly as if to jump on the person until my mind finally caught up with me. "Oh, Ivan." I stood up, and put the book down. "Sorry about that. I didn't realize you were there," which was probably a good thing, if I had heard him earlier I would have been to paranoid to come out of my room, much less sprint to the bathroom like I had a couple minutes ago.

"Why were you so scared, _da?_" He asked, smiling.

I gave him a look. "I'm paranoid."

"Really, _da?_"

"_Da, _I mean, yes. Extremely. And I forgot you were here and – OH MY GOD! WAS THAT A SQUEAK?" I screamed again and being the brave person I am, dashed behind Ivan and cowered there. I could feel him giving me _the look_. You know the one, the 'why-is-there-a-crazy-person-behind-me' look. Despite the fact I'm not crazy. Only a little nutty, yes? Yes! Shut up. Not schizo.

"There's nothing there, _da._"

"You never know. You never know." I told him, breaking up the syllables the second time around as if that made all the difference about proving that you, indeed, never know.

I could still feel him giving me the weird look.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what, _da?_"

"Like I'm a completely nutcase. I'm not. Only mostly."

"Ah… would you like to become one with Mother Russia? _Da?_"

"Erm… no, but thanks for asking."

"You will." I opened my eyes really wide. Creepy.

So… the rest of the days passed by like that until…

"Kolkolkolkol…"

Knock-knock!

"Coming!" I yelled, running to the door, after looking through the peephole I realized that it was once again Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping. And they had a big-ass box next to them. _Again. _And it was the same guy as last time, who'd also been the one to bring Ivan's I.D. by as well. I opened the door. "Holy crap, it's you again." I announced.

"Yep, sign here." He handed me the electronic signer. I scrawled out my name again, and stepped back to let him in the house. He rolled the box in again as Ivan came in from the other room.

"Kolkolkol. Who is this, _da?_"

"Erm… I… have no clue really, what _is _your name?" The guy gave me a look.

"Bernie."

"Okay then, his name is Bernie, Ivan."

"_Da. _I heard him."

Poor Bernie gave us a look and handed me another manila envelope.

"Your manual." He told me, and we nodded bye to each other again. "You'll get another… erm… I don't know when for sure. Within a week I would guess." My eyes widened. More! There were MORE! Why, me?

After he left (and my slight little laugh attack, again. I'm sorry, but that truck gets me every time.), I looked in-between the envelope in my hands and the box. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I think you get the point now. Going on. After spending an unfathomable amount of time looking between the two things I decided to open the envelope. As I did I turned toward Ivan.

"Erm… Ivan, can you get the box off the top down again?"

"_Da._" He grabbed the smaller box off the top and set it on the floor.

"Thank you." I told him as I looked at the cover.

YONG-SOO IM: User Guide and Manual

Who?

I opened the manual.

Oh… South Korea… I think I had read some fanfics about… oh crap. He's the one that randomly gropes people.

I resisted the urge to facepalm for about 30 seconds, before I gave into the impulse. I stood there for a moment. In the background Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" playing. I didn't even know how to make Korean food! I had just gotten a Russian cookbook!

Maybe I'll just get a bunch of various cookbooks. Sounded like a good idea, but in the meantime did we even have any Asian food? _At all_? I groaned. This. Was. Going. To. Be. Such. A. Mother. Fucking. Joy.

In case you can't tell… I didn't particularly want to be groped daily.

Oh well. It's not like I had a choice in the matter anymore.

I sighed and read the manual.

There could be worse characters to get I suppose.

"Kolkolkol…" I gave Russia a tiny glance in my peripheral vision. Though my house was slowly filling up with psychos. I heard my cat meow at me from the stairs again and I gave her a look too, then I eyed the box. Lastly I looked down at myself.

Many psychos. Of various varieties.

...

This. Will. Not. End. Well.

I sighed and looked at the manual again. Since I didn't particularly want to be groped, I skipped past number 1, and looked at number 2.

Mmkay, take the CD and play it? That sounds… surprisingly easy. I could always go with number 4, but I'd probably mispronounce it so badly he wouldn't even know I was speaking Korean.

I didn't want to waste the kimchi that had come with him, and I didn't want to be raped, so 3 and 5 were out respectively. There. Plan solved, I'd just play the CD.

I got my laptop (old thing that it is, I need a new one) and put the CD in, effectively stopping "I Kissed a Boy" in the middle of the song. I played the CD and the song "Arirang" played. I know what it was because the manual told me (Korean folksong, in case you didn't know).

I sat there for a minute before I realized that humming was coming from the box. I walked over and unlocked it.

Inside Korea stood eyes closed, humming along with the tune. I left the door open and went to lean against the wall and wait for him to finish. He looked so peaceful! My cat came up to me and meowed. I shushed her, but she just meowed louder. So I bent down and picked her up while in the middle of a meow, causing her to squeak

"There." I whispered to her, "Shut. Up."

She just purred.

Psycho.

Korea opened his eyes now and started at me for a second.

"Annyeong haseyo! I'm Im Yong Soo! Da ze!"

"Erm, hello. I'm Deli." I told him as I pointed to the box, "That's yours." He nodded before turning back to me and- was that a devilish gleam in his eyes?

Oh crap.

"Your breasts belong to me! Da ze!" He yelled, jumping at me. I shrieked and fell backwards, laughing as he tripped over me. My cat meowed in protest as she went flying. She turned, growled at us, then took off somewhere. I'm not quite sure where.

Molestation: DENIED.

"What's going on here, _da?_"I heard Ivan ask. I nearly screamed again. Had he been there the whole time? Cripes…

"Nothing." I told him, as I got up. Just trying my best not to get groped by a Nation I had just met. Not that I said that.

…Even if I _did _want to.

"Annyeong Ivan, da ze!"

"привет Yong Soo, _da._" Oh God. Why did I get a feeling that between the two of them I would end up with a raging headache?

Probably because I would.

Not that there was anything I could do about that.

I looked at the laptop on the counter. Oh how I wish I could just read fanfiction and listen to music like before. I had the English version of "Alice Human Sacrifice" stuck in my head. And that's a bit of a creepy song to get stuck in your head.

Moving on.

"I'll show you where you'll be sleeping," I told the Korean as I walked towards the stairs.

"Fine, da ze." Was not molesting me _that _heartbreaking? I never knew. Hell, I didn't think that anyone would really get an pleasure out of groping me. I eyed him out of the corner of my... well, eye. It was a strange little quirk.

I probably should have been paying more attention to my surroundings, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

"Your breasts belong to me, de za!" He yelled into my ear, reaching around me to grope my boobs.

I was silent for a second before I started screaming.

"Yeeeeeeeeeek!" My voice went up a few octaves, "What the hell!" I shrieked, drawing out the 'L' sound.

All of a sudden the pressure disappeared and I fell over, again. I was spending a lot of time on the ground lately. And _no_! _Not _like that! You perverts.

Curious as to what happened I turned around and looked at what had happened. Ivan was holding Yong Soo in the air by the back of his hanbok.

"Gack!" yes, I did say 'Gack', thank you very much, "Ivan! Erm, what are you doing?" I asked him.

"He made you scream, _da?_" Well technically so did you, is what I could have said, but I didn't. Also... that sounded kind of dirty.

"Yes, he startled me but… you can put him down. Thank you though." God Bless Ivan. I've never been groped before, I know _such a shocker, _right? Right!

Not schizo.

Moving on.

Molestation points, Me: 1, Yong Soo: 1. I really wanted more of the odds to be in my favor but… you take what you can get.

I got up as Ivan dropped Yong Soo onto his feet.

"Ahem, follow me." I told him, leading the way down the hallway again. I heard Ivan following as well.

Oh that was… nice. I suppose.

I think.

"Here's your room. I think I'll get started on some food." I told him.

"Food, da ze! What are we having, da ze?" Oh bless his little molester heart. He really was completely happy-go-lucky.

"Erm… I dunno. I guess I'll have to see what we have." I told him, "there's some kimchi with your stuff. Maybe you can eat a little, NOT ALL OF IT. Only have a little bit, okay? It'll be in the kitchen, so no taking all of it to your room, you have to eat it in the kitchen." I told him sternly.

"Fine, da ze."

"Good, don't spoil your appetite." I warned him before cautiously turning around and heading into the kitchen.

Hmm… what did we have?

Nothing.

I really had to go grocery shopping. The thought of it made my head spin. _Grocery shopping? _With _them? _A disaster waiting to happen.

But...

I guess there was no choice.

Shit.

This wouldn't end well.

Author's Note: Mwahahahaha! You guys don't get to find out how the grocery shopping goes until the next chapter, which may or may not be up tomorrow! Hahaha!

Also… these are probably some of the longest chapters I've ever written.

Another thing – all the songs mentioned here are what I've been listening too as the chapter goes on.

Someone wanted me to do Alfred this chapter but… I couldn't, I'm sorry, but he doesn't have a Manual up yet, I'm only doing people that have manuals up. When his Manual goes up I can, because otherwise… I don't know what to do to "Wake him up", AKA get him out of the box. And… other stuff. The Manuals are essential because those are what this entire fic is about...

In the meantime, who would everyone else like to see?

There's a poll on my profile about this, take it! Pleeease…

Also… I love all my reviewers. Thank you all so much!

~Keep writing

Italy


	3. Grocery Shopping and Groping

I stood in the kitchen pondering the meaning of life… or, at least, asking myself (again), _why, me?_

I opened the fridge and looked inside it. Nothing. I closed it, waited a minute, and then opened it again.

Still nothing.

I gathered up all my courage, "Um…"

"Yes?" I heard Ivan say behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Gack! When did he get there?

"We're out of food." I told him. Hearing a loud "Nooooooooo!" in the background, most likely coming from Yong Soo.

"I can see that." He told me. "We need to go shopping, _da?_"

"_Da, _I mean, yah, I mean, yes." Damn, my Yooper* accent was coming out.

"Then we go, da ze!" Oh dear Lord. I'm not religious, maybe I should be though. Switch anime with church… but church doesn't have yaoi…

Oh, the ultimate choice, eternal salvation over a good time reading about guys sexing it up with each other?

Anyways, I'll leave that discussion for another time, shall I? Moving on.

"Yes… well… let's get walking." I said, ever so reluctantly.

"Walking? We can drive, _da?_"

"Erm, no. I don't have a driver's license." Not that I needed one in a town this small. I could just walk. "Besides, walking is better for you." I resisted the urge to add, _da?, _at the end of my question. I've been spending way too much time around Ivan.

"I can drive!" Yong Soo shouted. My eyes widened.

"No! I mean, no. I don't have a car. What use is a car when you have no license?" I laughed nervously, "Besides, it's not that far."

"We can call a taxi, _da?_"

"Taxi's are expensive."

"Then the bus, da ze!"

"I don't know the schedule." I decided to stop this before it went any further, because eventually one of them will suggest rocket ship. "Listen, I'm going to shoot you two down no matter what, so shush up and get your shoes on. We're. Walking." I was getting a headache, and took it out on them. It was their fault anyway. Ivan did as he was told.

"Kolkolkol…"

…

Possibly while plotting my murder.

"Fine, da ze." Yong Soo pouted, giving me a look.

"Ok-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Your breasts belong to me! Da ze!"

"Let me goooooooo!" I yelled, pulling myself free, panting. Jesus Christ, that boy had a strong grip. "Go. Get your shoes on." I told him, in between breaths, he walked off, looking smug.

Christ.

Why did I click on that again?

Oh, yeah. I was bored, and for the money. Which reminds me, I really needed to get that part going. I was not going to let them eat me out of house and home on my watch. Nope.

They would be bringing in some money.

But… Yong Soo… since he was only 16 wouldn't he need to go to school?

Oh crap.

Thank God it was summer. I'll get back to that when school got closer.

Anyways, I pulled on my shoes (ragged Ed Hardy's, just because they're kickass like that), and waited by the front door.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, Ivan came over and stood by me, and we waited for Yong Soo together.

And waited.

And waited.

I got fed up with all the waiting.

"Yong Soo, get your ass down here right now or else you're eating rice for two weeks and nothing else!" I yelled up the stairs.

"Nooooo! I'm coming, da ze!" What sounded like a herd of elephants (or a stampede of screaming fangirls, whichever floats your boat) came running down the stairs and stopped right in front of me.

"I'm ready, da ze! What took you two so long?" I just shook my head sadly and stepped outside of the door.

"Can we just go now?" I asked, holding it open.

-Hetalia-

We walked into the Wal-Mart as if we were completely normal…

Okay, you got me, I'm lying. Through my teeth. What actually happened is I ran into the store and fell as Yong Soo chased yelling "Your breasts belong to me, da ze!"

You know. The usual. And it _totally_ didn't get any weird looks_ at all._

I calmly got up and dusted myself off before grabbing a cart.

"You have enough vodka, right Ivan?" He gave me a look. I sighed and got out a 100 dollar bill. "Go buy as much as you can with this. Here's your I.D., no drinking any till we get home." I told him, feeling like a stressed mother. I got a couple of sympathetic looks as I grabbed Yong Soo by the back of his hanbok and set about gathering the things on the list I had made a couple days ago.

"Deliiiii!" I heard someone cry as I was glomped from the side.

"Yay, its Deli!" Another voice called as I was hugged from my other side.

"Hi guys." I chocked out, as Yong Soo gave them a look.

"I love you!" The first person said.

"Yeah… love you… too." I told her, awkwardly patting her back as best I could.

"Who's your friends?" I looked at Yong Soo, who was staring at them as if they were an interesting exhibit of some sort.

"Erm, this is Katie," I told him gesturing toward the one who'd said that she loved me, "And this one is Mary." I waved my hand towards the other one.

Katie had shoulder length blond hair, and blue eyes, while Mary's was the same length, only with brown hair and eyes

Katie released me from her death grip and gave Yong Soo a look.

"Oh, he's Yong Soo." I told her, "He's, erm… a friend. From Korea..." Her eyes widened.

"Korea! Look, look. It's a Korean!" I shook my head sadly, _again. _Did they even realize how racist that sounded? Probably not.

"It is! Hi!" Mary said, ecstatically. As if they've never seen a Korean before, yet one of my friends in band was a Korean and they both knew her.

"Hi, da ze!" He said, eyeing them. I looked a t him. 'No molesting my friends.' I mouthed. He pouted a bit, and then gave me a look.

I just sighed.

"Katie, lemme go. I need to finish shopping." I told her. She stopped hugging me and chattered nonstop all the way to the Asian food aisle.

"Hmm… let's see…" I said, looking at their selection.

Which kind of sucked.

"Nara pickles! Da ze!" Yong Soo yelled.

"I don't think they carry those at Wal-Mart." I said. With good intent I suppose, thinking back on episode two of Hana Kimi.

"Why not?" I heard a voice behind me ask.

"Yeeeeeeek!" I screamed and turned around to face an Asian boy (Japanese?) behind me. "Who are you?"

"Yuujirou. I'm a transfer student. Why wouldn't they carry Nara pickles here?" He asked, giving me a look like 'what's with these crazy Americans and their non-Nara pickle carrying stores?'

"Alcohol content." I told him. "Will you be going to school here?"

"_Hai." _He said, giving me a look.

"Mmkay… so…." I looked at the food in front of me. I had no clue what to get. "I think I'll go to Food Co-op for the Asian food, can you wait a little longer?" I asked, turning to Yong Soo.

Who had mysteriously disappeared.

"Oh crap."

"What?"

"Your breasts belong to me! Da ze!"

"What the-"

"Yong Soo!"

He had jumped from behind Yuujirou and latched onto his chest.

"What the fuck!" I yelled. "Yong Soo, let him go!"

"Never!"

"Let him go right now or you get instant ramen for a month!" He let go and gave me a look.

"That's cold."

I gave him a look that said 'shut up', and glanced at Yuujirou. He seemed traumatized. For life.

"Erm…" I started, partially feeling responsible for his trauma, I had brought Yong Soo to the store with me, "I'm sorry about him. He does it all the time."

"To who?" I heard him whisper.

"Erm… me. His brothers. Everyone really." I said. "Except Ivan. He's exempt."

"Who's Ivan?" He asked, looking a bit better. So I guess knowing that he wasn't the only one molested _had _cheered him up.

Didn't work on me.

"Erm, he's…"

"Right here."

"Yeeeeeeek! Stop sneaking up on me!" I yelled turning around. Wondering why the hell Wal-Mart security wasn't spazzing out about this yet.

"Sorry. I have vodka."

"Good for you Ivan. I don't drink the stuff. Anyways, Ivan, meet Yuujirou, and vice versa." I said.

Ivan nodded at him and Yuujirou nodded back. Oh God, not the male nodding thing. The 'I acknowledge you, a fellow male' nod. Jesus Christ. I hated that nod.

I groaned.

"Can we _please _hurry up here so I can go back home and watch the Hana Kimidrama?" I begged, knowing that this was one way to appeal to Yong Soo. Even if Hana Kimi was a Japanese drama (which I'm pretty sure it was), it was still a drama.

As I suspected, his ears seemed to perk up. Also… his curl smiled at me.

…

The fuck?

Creepy.

"Drama? You watch them? Da ze!"

"Sometimes. I wanna watch episode four, so can we please hurry up?" I gave him a look.

"Yes. We shall go! Da ze!"

"Food first." I reminded him. I would ride to The Food Co-op on the bus tomorrow. Tonight we could have stir-fry.

"Of course, da ze!" I resisted the urge to pat him on the head. Mostly because I reminded myself that touching the curl would make him jump me again.

And this time it wouldn't just be for 'breast grabbing' either.

"Okay. Well… bye Yuujirou! I may see you around."

"Yes. I… hope we meet again." He eyed Yong Soo warily.

It was obvious that the next time he saw Yong Soo would be too soon.

Poor Yuujirou. I knew the feeling, but he had been assaulted by him in _public. _At _Wal-Mart, _no less.

I sighed and rolled the cart out of the aisle, just grabbing some general Asian things we might need. Though there wasn't much to grab.

"Deli, don't forget about us!" Katie called, jumping me as I walked out of the aisle.

"Holy shit! Where'd you come from?" I yelled.

"My mother silly." She said, squeezing me. I could feel everyone staring.

"Yeah, yeah… what do you want?" I asked.

"Well, we have to go, I wanted to say bye. Bye!" She yelled, letting go of me and walking off.

"Yeah, bye Deli!" Mary said, giving me a hug then chasing after Katie.

"You have some strange friends, _da?_" I heard Ivan ask behind me.

"You couldn't be more right." I told him.

The rest of the shopping passed without incident, happily enough. After getting the food I decided to call a taxi (okay, they talked me into it, sue me), so we didn't have to walk home.

I'll just skip to bedtime, which is when things got interesting again. Slightly. Not in that way, you perverts.

Well… slightly in that way.

I was sitting on my bed changing into my nightshirt, when Yong Soo decided to drop by.

"Deli, what are you doing? Da ze!" He yelled, coming into my room. I turned toward him wide eyed as he looked at me.

His eyes lit up.

Oh. Crap.

At least I was wearing a bra, thirty seconds later and I wouldn't have though.

"Fuck."

"Your breasts belong to me! Da ze!" I rolled onto my stomach to avoid him as he flew at me.

"Ahhhhhh! Heeeeeeeelp meeeeeeee!" I screamed as he jumped onto my back.

I was too young for this! Despite the fact I knew people my age who were having sex. But still, that's not the point!

Yong Soo's weight disappeared.

"Th-thanks I-Ivan." I said, face bright red. I knew it was him because who else would it be?

Don't answer that.

"No problem." He told me, carrying Yong Soo out of the room. I heard the Korean drop to the floor as Ivan closed the door behind him,

"No killing him!" I yelled. Before closing my eyes.

Holy shit. That was kind of scary.

Thank God for Ivan though.

I had completely forgotten to lock the door. Living alone in a big house can do that too you.

Maybe I'd start sleeping with a bra on though.

Just to be on the safe side.

Author's note: I feel bad for the last bit with Deli, I put her through so much hell.

*Yooper – a term for people who live in (blank). I want to see if any of you know! Give me a guess. I'll tell you next chapter!

Good chapter? Sorry I didn't get a new Hetalia character in, but that would have probably bumped it up into the double digits. The next chapter will be pretty long too I imagine.

Also, school starts soon, and I won't be able to update once a day most likely, I'll try to update around every other day, but I can't promise.

Thanks to all my reviewers! You all rock, and maybe (MAYBE) I'll do something special for reviewer number… 15? Maybe.

Also… I watched Hana Kimi as I wrote this, and it gave me a ton of inspiration. A _ton. _That'll show up in later chapters.

I know who's coming in next, but if you have any requests about people after that, as long as the manuals are up, I'll try to get them soon! Also, if you have a request for something that might happen, as long as it seems in character I may do it. For example, Deli will _never, _and I mean _never,_ get drunk and make out with one of them. Never.

Also there's a huge storm where I live right now, so wish me luck on _not _getting the power knocked out! Or a tornado, I've never been in one.

Anyways… thanks so long and thanks for all the reviews! (Where's that from again? "So long and thanks for all the fish?" (Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, possibly?) Someone please tell me…)

~Keep reading!


	4. Blackout!

Ever since Yong Soo was sent to the house (that sounds weird…) I had gotten a new morning ritual added to my new morning ritual.

I was lying comfortably in bed, all snuggled up in blankets up to my nose.

Well… that was… until…

"Your breasts belong to me, da ze!" I heard and woke up to an insane Korean groping me.

I should probably warn you that I'm not in the best of moods in the morning. In fact, I'm downright bitchy.

"Git da fack offa me!" I screamed, whapping him in the head with a pillow. He flew off of me and landed on the floor, locking a bit dazed. Grumbling I sat up.

"Da fuck's yer problem, eh?" I asked, glaring at the offending teen.

"Deli is cranky in the morning, _da?_" I heard, and turned my glare from Korea to Russia.

"Shu' da fack up." I grumbled, falling back onto my pillows. "Oof!" I yelled, the breath being knocked out of me. I glared at the felonious person this time.

It was my cat.

"Fuck ya too." I told her.

"Meeeeeer-Meeeeeee-Meeeeeerow!" She said, stepping on my nose, and laying down.

I grumbled into her fur.

And that's how my first morning with Yong Soo went.

Enjoyable, right?

But on the morning of a day which is important went a little differently.

I snuggled under the blankets (again) when he attacked.

"Your breasts belong to me, da ze!" Sometimes that boy will never learn…

He landed on me - causing me to lose my breath and swear at him venomously. In several different languages - and latched himself onto my chest. My eyes flew open.

"GIT DA FACK OFFA MEH YA PERVERT!" I screamed, attempting to hit him over the head with my pillow, he ducked just in time though, giving me a smirk, right before I hit him in the stomach. With my fist.

I warned you, I'm _not _in a good mood in the morning.

His eyes widened and I rolled over, onto my side. He fell off of me and landed on the floor, clutching his stomach. I watched Ivan walk down the hallway, heading for the stairs.

I lay there and groaned. There was no way I was getting back to sleep, was there?

Crap.

I got up, sluggishly and walked over Yong Soo as I went out of my room to the bathroom to brush my teeth. After doing that I wandered into the kitchen to make some breakfast. Because of course the two living with me can't be bothered.

I wanted a unit that would cook… except Arthur. Even if I enjoyed cooking, I didn't like having to wait. Waiting sucks. Almost as much as waking up.

I stood at the stove making bacon; after it was done I scrambled some eggs and made those too.

"Eat." I commanded, setting a plate of food in front of everyone.

Stupid Yong Soo, getting me up at the ungodly hour of… 8.

During my summer vacation no less.

On a Saturday.

Screw that. I was not going to be nice if he kept this up. I've been falling asleep at 4 a.m. and getting up at 8 a.m. every freaking day since Yong Soo had come! My schedule was ruined! And summer was just beginning!

Damnit.

Around lunchtime I had cheered up a bit (thank God for Hana Kimi), but was feeling somewhat uneasy. It wasn't until the doorbell rang that I realized what was off.

What exactly?

Why the chaos of course. What does a day in my life revolve around ever since that fateful click? Chaos, that's what.

So, sighing, because there was only one person who rang my doorbell now-a-days, I opened the door.

"Hello Bernie."

"Hello, I brought you your new Unit!" I gave him a look.

"Don't sound so cheerful about it."

"But I heard that you're being a beta for this one." he told me. My jaw dropped.

"Beta, as in… no one else has one yet. That's nothing to be happy about! What if it's a Conquistador!Spain?" I asked him.

"What if it's a Chibitalia?" He shot back.

Okay, he had a point with that one. If it was Feliciano, I'd probably be very happy. Even if he did sleep naked.

"Touché." I told him, signing the electronic signer thing (again, damnit).

"Here's the manual." He told me, handing me the envelope, as per tradition. "And, hate to break it to you but… there's more coming." I groaned.

"Thanks for the warning. Have a good day." I said, as he left the house.

"No problem. Good luck!" I groaned again.

I'd be needing it.

After he left (and my involuntary laughter at the truck. They should get a giant Flying Mint Bunny and put it on the top of there, it'd be priceless) I looked at the envelope in my hands reproachfully. I didn't want to do this.

Sighing, I opened the envelope in my hands.

VASH ZWINGLI: User Guide and Manual.

Oh fuck.

Of course, I'm the Beta Tester for a freaking trigger-happy Switzerland.

F.M.L.

Fuck. My. Life.

This would _not _end well.

And then I looked at the manual. I didn't have any of those other units! What? How was I supposed to do any of that? No! I'd just have to wake him up normally! No!

Shit! This wasn't good!

Maybe I could go buy a gun and shoot something? Yong Soo was looking tempting.

But I couldn't just randomly shoot something (or someone, that's a big no-no).

So... I had to… just… wake him up?

Oh crap.

"Erm… Ivan?"

"I am getting the box down now."

"Heh-heh… thanks…" I gave the bigger box a look. No. I didn't want to die! Please no! Ivan put the smaller box down on the floor and left the room.

Smart guy. Good for him. _I _on the other hand, didn't really have a choice in the matter.

I gulped and waked over to the box unlocking it, I opened the door a crack and (out of nowhere) had a gun pointed at my face.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeek!" I screamed, falling backwards onto my ass. He was up already? No! Crap! Where's Alfred when you need him?

"…Where's Lilli?" He asked, giving me a glare.

"Sh-sh-she's n-not here ye-yet. P-please stop pointing that gu-gun at me…" I had never actually seen a gun before. In real life. Now that one was pointed at me I could feel my Italian genes kick in. And they were screaming at me to _get the hell out of there. _

Vash glared at me for a second before putting his gun away. I collapsed on the ground. Bullets or not, having a gun pointed at you is fucking _scary_.

Everything was quiet for a second.

"Wo-would you like me to show you your room?"

"Speak up!"

I bristled slightly. "Would you like me to show you your room?" I said, a bit louder. "Because if not I have lasagna to make." Yes, I had introduced Ivan and Yong Soo to the wonder of Eggs and Pasta. A combo I personally love, with a bit of foreign food thrown in every once in a while (I don't particularly count pasta as 'foreign'. Pasta is pasta).

"Yes, please." At least he was polite. When he wasn't shoving a gun in your face.

"Then follow me." I told him, passing by the kitchen on the way to the stairs, Yong Soo peered out from behind a wall at us.

There were too many males in the house. I was used to my mom and sister. That's it. Now I had three males living here. Too. Many.

However according to the manual, Vash could cook. So I didn't have to all the time! Yes! So the world doesn't _completely _hate me!

I stood at the top of the stairs before deciding on a room, it was between Yong Soo's and mine.

Maybe_ this_ would help relieve the early morning wake-up calls.

-Later that day-

"Deli, take a bath with me, da ze!"

"_What?" _My voice was shrill.

"Please? Da ze!" Then I remembered, oh yeah… he liked to bathe with others…

But… I was female… and he… wasn't.

"I… don't think so."

"Why not, da ze?" Because I've never seen a guy naked before.

Living in a house full of X chromosomes made that kind of impossible.

"Just… because."

"Another time then, da ze!" I opened my mouth to tell him, that _no _there would not be another time. Or anytime actually…

When the lights went out.

Oh… I forgot to mention that it was raining.

"Kolkolkol…"

"Yeeeeek! Ivan don't scare me like that!"

"Then how would you like me to scare you?"

The scary thing is I think he meant it.

"…Nevermind. Vash! Where are you?"

"Right here."

"Yeeeeeek!"

"I'm here too, da ze!"

"And where exactly is 'here? In case you guys can't tell, I can't really see any of you!" I felt someone tap my shoulder. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! There's someone next to me! Help!"

"It's just me, da ze."

"Oh."

"Where's a flashlight?" I heard Vash ask.

"There's two in my room. Three in the kitchen, five in the living room, and seven other various ones around the house, but right now I've got a lighter." I told him, flicking it on to demonstrate.

"Why do you own a lighter?" He asked, giving me a look.

"I don't smoke. It's for incense." Not like I'm going to tell him that I tried and that the lighter was swiped. Nuh-uh.

Oh yes. I had a bit of a teen rebel streak in me. But I didn't care for smoking, so I just kept the lighter. My mom was the one with the cigarettes, so I just stopped snatching them. Easy as pie really.

Actually… I just didn't want to spend money on them. Haha. I don't see why I would smoke when I can reading. Or write. Or… do anything else for that matter. Plus I truly didn't care for it.

I won't get into any of my other past exploits. None of which are _that _bad… compared to some (my older sisters track record for example).

"What kind of incense?" I heard Ivan ask.

Oh, so they didn't trust me. I got it; they thought I got high in my room.

"The kind you buy in stores and not off the street corner, now if you don't mind, my finger is starting to burn so can we please go get a flashlight and stop with the '20 Questions' already?"

"I agree with her, da ze!" Oh bless you Yong Soo, I take back all the bad things I've ever thought about you.

"Yes let's-" I was cut off by gravity being a bitch.

Otherwise known as 'falling'.

Luckily for the house, I turned off the lighter as I fell.

Unluckily for my hand, I accidentally grabbed the hot metal.

"Fuck! Shit! Damnit! God damn mother fucking bitch ass lighter!" I screamed letting it drop to the floor. I heard a collective silence from the three males in around me.

"Holy shit, da ze."

Well, he sounded awed.

"Can we just get a fucking flashlight?" I asked, pissed off. I cradled my hand against my chest. Ow, fuck.

"Ahem, yes. Let's." I heard Vash agree. Slightly awkwardly.

"Well don't let my sailor's mouth bother you…" I grumbled.

"But Deli, I have never heard a sailor cuss like that." Ivan said, also sounding slightly awed.

"Really? It's not that fucking hard." I told them, kicking the lighter to the side.

I'd get it in the morning.

I walked into the living room and felt around with my good hand.

"Hmm… one's right… here." I said, pulling the mini flashlight from a drawer, just then Yong Soo decided that being quiet could go to hell.

And all the shit hit the fan.

"Your breasts belong to me, da ze!"

"What the fuck!"

In case you don't know what just happened, Yong Soo had decided to claim someone's (probably mine) breasts for his own.

Unfortunately… he grabbed Switzerland's.

I heard a crash and some more swearing, this time I'm pretty sure in a different language. I flicked on the flashlight.

…

"Please stop trying to kill him with furniture, Vash… its wasting money."

He immediately stopped.

"Thank you."

…

"No. You may _not _shoot him."

….

He gave me a look.

"Don't give me that look; he does that to me all the time. And is he unconscious? How is he supposed to go to bed like that?"

"Technically he is already sleeping, _da?_" Ivan cut in. I looked at him, then back at the unconscious Korean on the floor.

"I guess… but he's just lying in the middle of the floor. I'll feel bad if we leave him there."

Nothing.

"Come on. Please?"

They both shook their heads.

…

I glared at them.

"Fine." I walked over and looked at the unconscious teen. Hm… how should I do this? I looked at Ivan.

"Help me get him on my back?" I asked. He looked at me for a minute, then nodded. I let Ivan put Yong Soo on my back and leaned forward so that he wouldn't flop off, and wrapped my arms around his legs. The other two found flashlights as I did this and I left them behind as I started toward his room.

"Nngh…"

"Waking up?" I asked.

"M'be." I felt him grumble into my neck.

"Ah…"

"Head hurts… da… ze."

"I'll let you down in your room and grab you some Tylenol, mmkay? Geez…you're heavy." I hoisted him a bit higher onto my back.

"Thanks, da ze."

"Can you walk?"

"No."

"…"

"Da ze."

I had been waiting for that.

I wandered into his room and set the teen down on his bed.

"I'll go grab you that Tylenol. Stay here." He nodded into his pillow.

Vash must've pistol whipped him. Ouch.

I grabbed him two Tylenol and a Dixie cup of water.

"Here you go." I told him walking back into his room. I handed the Tylenol and water over and watched as he took them.

"Thanks, da ze."

"No problem."

I left the room, but as I did I could have worn I heard him say "Your breasts belong to me."

I grinned.

Never change Yong Soo, never change.

Author's Notes: Sorry the chapter is up so late tonight. I went to a party. Also that last bit at the end is not romance (in my eyes, you guys can see it that way if you wish, I suppose) it's more like… guilt. For punching him earlier.

Someone asked me about adding in love, and a (possible) guy for Deli... should I add romance in? If so with an already established character, or with an OC? Lemme know. If you guys want some romance, I can add it in. Just tell me with who (or if you prefer she get toether with an OC), okay?

Someone else also mentioned that they had an idea for a fic like this and asked if it was okay that they post it. Um… yes? Thanks for asking. If it's based off of the Manual's like mine is you should ask permission from the author. But yeah, drop me a line about it when it goes up. Just don't steal Deli.

And (I'm telling you this because a reviewer requested it and the person wouldn't have fit in with this chapter) a certain Prussian makes an appearance very soon.

Ajsldn! I couldn't give the 15th reviewer anything this chapter because they (apparently) weren't signed in when they gave the review.

And one person got the Yooper reference, I was so happy. I should probably explain it to the rest of you.

A Yooper is a person who was born/lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. When Deli first wakes up is a good example of the accent, except for the 'fack' bit. That's just her own brand of insanity.

Thank you everyone! I love the reviews! Keep them coming in, because I get such inspiration from them all!

Also… soon, all the Hana Kimi I've been watching will appear. I'm sorry, but it's slowly building up.

~Keep reading


	5. Like A Vampire

The knocking on the door sounded very familiar. I sighed and walked over to it.

"I should really jut give you a house key." I said to Bernie as I opened the door.

"I don't think your door is ever locked so it wouldn't matter." I gave him a look.

"I suppose." I gave the box next to him a reproachful look. "Any clue who's in there?"

"Nope, who do you already have?"

"Switzerland, Russia, and Korea."

"…"

"…"

"…Maybe it'll be a girl." He offered helpfully. Rolling the box in.

"I don't think so." Life hates me too much for it to be female. I took the envelope.

"I'll go now." Bernie told me. Waving as he left, I snickered as I looked at the envelope.

Three words and you all know them.

Flying. Mint. Bunny.

Ha-ha.

I gave the envelope an accusing glare. Like it was the source of all my troubles.

"Here." I looked up as Ivan set the box down next to me.

"Oh, thank you." He nodded and left the room.

"Who is it this time Deli, da ze! Tell me, da ze!" I gave him a look too.

"I haven't opened the envelope yet."

"Open it, da ze!" I gave the ecstatic Korean a glare before tearing open the envelope.

GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual.

…

…

…

He didn't get along with Ivan at all though…

I looked at the manual.

Apparently it's possible I got the female version.

Not that it would help.

Much.

Why couldn't it be Lilli?

Or Feliciano?

I didn't need anyone else trying to molest me. It wasn't that much fun to be randomly molested. And I _really _didn't want my vital regions seized.

I read over the ways to activate him, numbers 1, 3, and 4 sounded easy enough. But we didn't have any beer, and I couldn't say anything in Russian besides Брат. And I don't think me saying 'brother' in Russian would be of much use.

So… activate Gilbird.

"Deli! Who is it, da ze?" I looked up. Oops, I had completely forgotten about him.

"Gilbert."

"Gilbert?" I heard from the kitchen.

"Erm… yes." I told Ivan as he looked in curiously. I turned my gaze towards the smaller box at my feet.

Now to find Gilbird.

I opened the box and searched through it, noting that clothes inside were of the male variety, when I came across a little yellow fluffball.

"Gilbird?"

_Piyo!_

Holy shit, it was alive!

"Gilbird!" I heard from the big box, and watched in awe as the front of it burst off as the occupant ran out and snatched the bird from my hands.

I just knelt there, my jaw dropped.

I had nearly been impaled by several large pieces of wood.

In fact there was a piece in my hair.

…

_Holy_ _shit._

"Introduce yourself to the awesome me!"

"…Deli…"

"Delhe?"

"Deli, like where you get meat from. You know om nom nom, and all that jazz?" I spat back. Nearly being impaled by wooden stakes like a vampire does not appeal to my good side it would seem.

Who would have guessed?

"I am the awesome Gilbert and- Why the hell is _he _here?" I looked behind me.

Ivan was standing in the doorway, watching the scene with a smile on his face. What? Had he _wanted _me to get impaled by wood chunks? Although knowing him, he wouldn't mind.

"привет Gilbert. You are well, _da?_"

"Hell no!" I nearly laughed at his facial expression. "Why are you here?"

"Internet." I spoke up, mournfully.

He gave me a look.

"Anyways, pick up your box and I'll show you your room." He looked over at the destroyed one. "Not that one, this one." I told him, pointing at the one in front of me.

"It's in front of you. You bring it, I'm too awesome to."

"If you don't bring it, I'm pitching it. And then you're going to clean up this mess or I'll force vodka down your throat when you sleep and leave you alone with Ivan for a week." He gave me a shocked look at my (semi) rhyme.

"Why are you in such a bad mood?"

"Being nearly killed by a piece of wood does that to you. Do I look like a vampire? No? Then don't try to stake me, mmkay?"

Gilbert nodded.

"Good, then pick up the box and follow me." I led him to his designated room and dropped him off.

"Deli, take a bath with me, da ze!"

Déjà vu?

I do believe so.

"Erm.. I don't think that's a good idea Yong Soo."

"Why not, da ze?" Oh the poor kid really was clueless wasn't he? I wonder if I suggested that he and Gilbert take a bath together, if they'd end up raping each other?

…

It was slightly strange to think about.

"Because, I'm… female."

"So? Da ze!"

…

I very nearly facepalmed.

Really?

"Well… I just… don't normally take baths with… other people." At all. Well… I did when I was younger, but that was with my younger sister, who wasn't really my sister.

Don't ask. It's confusing.

"Why not, da ze?"

…

"I just don't."

If you think about it, considering how slutty the clothes get over here, the nation of America really is a prude.

Although I probably should _never _tell him that.

"Oh…" His face fell.

"Sorry... maybe Yao will come soon." I told him. "Or Kiku."

He shrugged.

Please don't tell that this kid was going to try to guilt trip me into taking a bath with him!

"I have to get started on dinner." I told him. Skirting around him as he gave the puppy dog eyes.

Not. Going. To. Work.

I went downstairs into the kitchen…

"Kolkolkol…"

Where Ivan was sitting.

I think Gilbert coming made him a bit crazy.

Just a bit.

Not like he already wasn't.

I sighed and looked in the fridge. Did we even have any German type food?

Steak and potatoes. The stereotypical kind.

Sadly… I never learned how to make steak, but it couldn't be _that _hard, could it? Not compared to other types of food.

I got the things out and looked around. What to do first…

"Let the awesome me help!" I heard as Gilbert picked up the steaks. "Where's the not-as awesome spices?"

I looked at him then showed him the spice cupboard.

"I guess… I'll do the potatoes. Do you need a grill?"

"Of course! Stop asking un-awesome questions." I sighed and got out a small tabletop grill. I didn't trust propane ones anymore. Not since one time it started leaking when mom took it off.

I was busy getting the potatoes ready when Gilbert finally realized that Ivan was in the room.

And watching him…

Which wasn't creepy at all.

"Ack! What's your un-awesome self doing here!"

I sighed.

"Internet." I reminded him.

He gave me a thoughtful look.

"But... how'd that work out?"

"Never click on pop-ups. They're evil. Evil… eeeeeeviiiiiiiil." I warned him. He gave me a slight look as if to say, 'and then the voices told you to do what?' "I'm not insane." I told him.

Well… maybe I was. Just a bit! I swear!

Yeah… that probably means I'm crazier then I think. But oh well.

"Of course, keep telling your not as awesome as me self that." I took a minute to decode what he'd said.

"Stop patronizing me."

"Mm-hmm."

I wasn't getting anywhere with this argument.

I just sighed and get making the potatoes.

You win some, you lose some, right?

It's just not every day to lose to a supposed to be _fictional _character.

Am I right? Yes? Yes!

Shut up.

…

Not schizo.

Author's note: This chapter is kind of short compared to others… and not that good. I think. Tell me if I'm wrong…

I was wondering, do any of you want to find out about Deli's past (such as… why her mom doesn't live with her? And how her school life was?)? Or do you not mind not knowing?

I was having trouble writing this chapter. It was just hard to get through for some reason.

Also… Once school starts I may have trouble updating every day, but I'll try to update _at least_ every other day, okay?

All my readers are so fantastic.

~Keep reading!


	6. Suggestions From A Psycho

Everything was… surprisingly quiet.

And thus because of that … I became bored again.

"Koneko." I called, looking for my cat. No, her name isn't Koneko, I just call her that. She usually responds too.

…

But today she didn't.

"Psycho cat, where are you?" I asked, looking under my bed. The place she'd been spending most of her time lately.

I suppose I should finally describe her too you. She was part Egyptian Mau (if not full), she had most of the markings and _definitely _had the personality (anti-social to anyone new in the house, and extremely attached to certain people, growls, hisses, and scratches when upset, fast runner). The only reason I wasn't sure about whether or not she was completely Egyptian was the eyes. I had no clue what 'Gooseberry Green' was. She had greenish-yellow eyes. That's all I know.

Anyways…

She wasn't under my bed.

"Eh? Where are you?" I was getting worried, maybe Gilbird ate her!

…

Okay, I highly doubt that too. But who knows? It's possible…

…

Or not. But you never know.

I went downstairs to where Yong Soo sat, watching his dramas.

"Do you know where my cat is?" I asked him.

"No, da ze? Why?"

"My little neurotic kitty is missing." I told him, frowning.

"Oh. Da ze."

I furrowed my brows. Where the hell had my cat?

"Yeah…" I turned away to keep looking.

She didn't like going out… but could she have gotten out?

I opened the door and looked around.

"Meow." I looked up, recognizing that meow.

"Voodoo, where have you been?" I asked the black cat on the roof.

Yes… in all actuality, I do have more then one cat.

"Mrow."

"So all the new people scared you too?" She just looked at me. "Hmm… well let's get you down from there." I told her, standing on the railing of the porch as I stretched my arms up and scooped the cat from the edge of the roof. I cuddled the small cat in my arms.

"You were making me worried too. Don't stay so long away from home. Have you seen Koneko recently?"

"Mee-row." The cat (who to be honest still looked like a kitten.) rubbed against my face.

"No? To be expected I guess." I sighed and went back in the house.

Yong Soo looked at me as the cat jumped out of my arms.

"Another cat, da ze?"

"Yeah… I still can't find the psycho."

I wandered back upstairs back into my room. Vash was cooking tonight (yay!) and Ivan was… doing something.

I had no clue about Gilbert at all. Probably blogging…

I sighed.

Where the _hell _was my freaking cat?

"MROW!" I heard as a cat landed on my chest.

"Oof! Psycho! Where were you? I was worried!" I hugged the purring creature to my chest.

"Your not-as-awesome as Gilbird cat was under my bed!"

"So you throw her on me, Gilbert? Really?"

"Of course! You were looking for her; it was the awesome thing to do!"

"Hmm… did she bite you?"

"Tried."

"That happens often. I'm sorry. And keep a close eye on Gilbird okay? There's another cat around here that likes to hunt. She's brought home more dead animals the size of her then I'd like to remember." I warned him.

Hi eyes narrowed.

"No un-awesome cat is going to eat _my _Gilbird!"

"Just keep a close eye on him."

He nodded and left.

I groaned into the psycho's fur.

"I'm booooored."

"Merrrrow"

"Fascinating. I never thought about that."

She just purred in response.

Hmm… that could work.

It would be fun…

I sat up. My cat still purring as she fell onto my lap.

"Sorry bout that psycho…" I walked out of my room and into to little storage room across the hall from it. Flicking the light switch on, I looked around the room.

"I think I'll turn this place into a library. Anyways…" I dug around in the closet, what board games did we have?

Scrabble, Clue, Sorry, Snakes and Ladders, and…

Yes.

Apples to Apples.

For those who don't know, Apples to Apples is a game of epic proportions. Each player takes a turn drawing a descriptive card, and all the other players except for the chosen "it" during that round picks a card from their hand that is the best person/phrase/action/etc. that most fits the description. It can vary from serious to down right insane.

For example, if someone drew the word "fun" as the description, which would you choose out of swimming pool, school, roller coaster, taking a nap, and grass. But you should try to appeal to the judge, so if the judge was a swimmer, you'd pick swimming pool.

I think I explained that right…

I picked up the box and walked downstairs.

"Who wants to play a game?" I yelled.

"Me, da ze!"

"The awesome me does!"

"I suppose I will."

"Me."

I laughed.

This… was going to be fun.

-Hetalia-

"So that's the rules. Everyone ready?" I asked, looking around the circle of us on the floor.

"Sounds easy enough." Vash said. Ivan nodded.

"I'll win! Da ze!"

"No, the awesome me will win!"

I just grinned.

"Let's get started then, I'll go first." I pulled out a descriptive card and laid it one the floor.

"Scary."

They all shifted and looked at their cards. One by one setting them down in the middle. Ivan was the last one to set his down.

"Let's see… winter, guns, school, and… taking a bath?" I burst out laughing. "I-I choose… pffffft. Taking a- haha, taking a bath. Haha!" Vash slowly grabbed the card. I laughed even harder.

He was smart.

Pfft.

"Yong Soo, it's your turn," I said, still giggling as I turned toward him.

He drew a card.

"Strange, da ze." I looked at my cards. Hmm… I had… grass, babies, dancing, Pokemon, and… Brittney Spears.

I stuck Brittney Spears in the middle and grabbed another card, dark alleys. Ooh, _scary._

If there was a label on me it would say, Warning: Subject very sarcastic and cynical, do not attempt to wake up before 10 a.m. and feed plenty of sweets.

"Barbie, Brittney Spears, Hamburgers, and a Globe, da ze." He looked thoughtful for a minute… "I choose Hamburgers."

Dang…

Then again considering how exposed they were to Alfred… Hamburgers would seem slightly strange.

Ivan grabbed the card.

"Gilbert, your turn."

"The awesome me chooses… happy!"

I set down dark alleys.

And that's how the game continued.

Vash ended up winning.

With Ivan in a close second.

I got third, and Gilbert and Yong Soo each had zero.

I tried not to laugh.

…

It didn't work.

-Hetalia-

After dinner… I was bored. Again. Not wanting to play Apples to Apples again I checked my email.

Apparently someone sent me a message on Facebook.

I was kind of shocked, considering I never go on.

I checked it.

…

_Hey Deli, its Sam Brown, just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out sometime. Message me back._

…

Did someone just ask me out?

I decided to message him back.

_Like a date?_

I waited a little while.

_Yeah._

No, I didn't have a small spasm at being asked out for the first time in my life. What gave you _that_ idea?

…

It was a big one.

"What's going on, da ze?"

"Yeek! Don't scare me like that." I told him as he looked over my shoulder.

"A date, da ze?"

"Yes."

"No."

What.

"Eh?"

"You can't go, da ze."

"Why the hell not?"

"…too young, da ze"

"Kids my age are having sex, give me a better excuse."

"We don't know him, da ze."

"We as in…?"

"Everyone, da ze."

"_I _know him."

"You don't count, da ze."

…

Ex-fucking-scuse me?

"What's going on?" I heard Gilbert asked from the door.

"Gilbert, convince Deli she can't go on a date, da ze." Gilberts eyes narrowed.

"No going on dates."

"Why the fucking bloody hell not?" I asked, getting pissed. "It has nothing to do with either of you."

"Vash!"

Mother fucker, was the entire house going to get wrapped up in my personal business?

"What?"

"Tell her she can't go on a date." I cut him off before he opened his mouth.

"God damnit, quit calling other people in to do your debates for you! It's fucking annoying and you guys aren't my keepers!"

"No."

"_Screw you all!" _I yelled at them.

"What's going on?" I heard Ivan ask.

"Deli's not listening to reason."

_Reason? _

_**Reason? **_

I'd show them fucking reason.

I typed three letters and hit enter.

_Yes._

_Cool._

"Deli, we said no, da ze!"

"I don't give a shit! Get out of my room! _Now!" _I growled.

They left.

_Bastardos_.

This'll teach them.

Author's note: I suppose I should explain the relationship between everyone and Deli…

They treat her like a little sister basically. That's why they didn't want her going on the date. Except possibly Ivan. He never even got to voice his opinion… poor Ivan.

So.. the next chapter introduces a new unit, an OC which will quite possibly never make another appearance, I'm not quite sure… and poor Deli's date.

Which we all know will be anything but normal.

A surprising amount of you do want to learn a bit about Deli's past, it would turn into a subplot of sorts. It's also slightly depressing, just warning you all. I may add that as an Omake, so not everyone will have read it if they don't want too, it'd just be recommended.

This is slightly filler. Sorry about that. I hope you all like it anyways! And it's another short one… blaaah. Oh well, it's over 1,500 words. All my chapters have been. And at least four pages. Mwahahahahaha!

School starts tomorrow, fuck my life. Wish me luck on the first day. Lucky Deli, she still has her whole summer!

Bastardos – bastards in Italian… Deli has the Italian temper problem. I think she gets it from Romano.

~Keep reading!


	7. Of Dates, Stalking, and Pranks

I glared at the door. I already knew who was on the other side of it, but I didn't want to open it the day before my _first date. _

I know, all of you are shocked because I'm _oh so _irresistible to men of all ages, and such a social butterfly. But, sadly, yes. It was my first date. The next day, so as fate dictates, something horrible must happen.

"I know you're in there."

I sighed and opened the door.

"Stalker, much?"

"Only for you. Kidding." I let out a small laugh despite myself.

As he wheeled the bow in I asked Bernie a question I'd been thinking about over the last couple days.

"Just wondering… how do people reacted when you tell them you work for Flying Mint Bunny Express Shipping?"

"I normally just say that I'm in the postal services."

"So they think you're government!"

"I suppose."

I thought on that.

"Does it make good money?"

"Decent, but I bus tables in the evening."

"Ah…" That reminded me, I had to get off my lazy ass and find a job. Vash had already gotten one (at a chocolate shop. So we get free samples, yes!), and I suppose I ought to get Ivan and Gilbert off their asses. I think the florists were hiring. I tried to picture either of them in an apron and my mind nearly imploded.

Bernie handed me the envelope and saluted me.

"Hang in there."

I looked at the envelope and grimaced.

"I'll try."

After we waved goodbye (and I got my laugh out of the truck), I gave the envelope a glare while deciding whether or not to open it.

"Who is it, da ze?"

Looks like I had no choice but to open it.

I closed my eyes and tore it open.

Please let it be someone with a semblance of sanity.

…

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual.

I could deal with this. I looked through the manual.

I can't imagine why he doesn't like the star spangled banner (well I could, but…), considering the tune was an English drinking song.

…

I think it suits America perfectly.

Never tell him I said that.

Wait…

They may have accidentally sent a Pirate!England…

…

I really didn't want to be raped by a pirate.

Also that would but a damper on my date, _"What did you do yesterday?" "Oh, just got emotionally scarred for life because a pirate raped me, but that's nothing new, you?"_

…

Yeah… no.

Not gonna happen.

I grabbed my laptop and put on the Star Spangled Banner instead.

"Turn that damn racket down!" I watched in awe as (yet another) box was decimated.

…

At least I wasn't nearly impaled this time.

"Oh, you're not Alfred. Please forgive my rudeness, I'll clean this up in a minute. My name is Arthur Kirkland, and what might yours be?"

_Holy shit…_

He… he was… polite.

Twas a miracle of eyebrow proportions.

…

And he (I'm pretty sure) wouldn't rape me.

Win-win situation, yes? Yes!

Shut up.

Not schizo.

"My name is Deli. Erm... would you like me to show you your room?" I looked around the room, noticing the smaller box on the floor.

Was Ivan really that sneaky?

I suppose he was.

"Yes please, if you would so kind as to do that."

(Insert excitement here) he's polite! And now I can threaten people with his cooking! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

…

…

Ignore that evil laughter.

Because I really don't laugh like that…

No, _really._

…

Okay, you got me. I laugh like that all the time. It's kind of creepy for some people, but it just makes me laugh harder. Haha…

Yeah…

I led the nation into his designated room.

Maybe I should get all of them to help clean up the guest house. Which was also pretty big. I wondered how I could get that to work out…

I was going back to my room when everything took a turn for the… strange? Random? Crazy? Completely and utterly nonsensical? I don't really know how to describe it.

"Deli, where's the shampoo, da ze?" I heard and (mistakenly) turned around.

Yong Soo had no shame.

…

And my eyes were no longer innocent.

"…Wh-why the hell are you walking around… na-"

"Where's the awesome shampoo?"

Gilbert, also, had no shame.

My eyes! They were so innocent! They never deserved this!

…

Okay, so they weren't _that _innocent. Just… mostly.

"What the-"

"Why is there no shampoo in the bathroom?"

…

At least Vash had the sense to wear a towel around his waist. And the diginity. But still. This. Was. Not. Happening!

But of course it was…

Because Fate hates me… and thus stole all the shampoo.

"Did… you guys look… under the sink?" I asked.

They all gave me a look like 'What is this 'under the sink' that you speak of?' I suddenly got the urge to smash my head into the nearest wall… or door… or even window…

But that would never _ever _get rid of the mental images I would now have for the rest of my life.

"Kolkolkol…"

"Are you wondering where the shampoo is too?"

"No, I found it."

…

So Ivan could find it but _no one else _in the _entire freaking house _could?

There was obviously something wrong with this picture.

"…I'm going in my room. Please let me gouge my eyes out in peace…" I told everyone. Slowly walking to my room and locking it.

Why, _why _were almost _half the people _in the house such… _exhibitionists?_

Dear God.

I would never be able to look them in the eye. Ever again.

Never.

…

Why me?

-Hetalia-

I gave myself a once over in the mirror. It was okay, I suppose. The black shirt looked good on me, and I was wearing my usual jeans and Ed Hardy's. Which were falling apart, but still completely comfortable.

I heard knocking at the front door and flinched before I realized that _no, _I was _not _getting another unit today.

It was Sam, and if I didn't go get the door right now, he would be subjected to a Korean/Prussian/Swiss version of the Spanish Inquisition. And we all know how _splendid _that would go over.

I raced down the stairs just in time to see Yong Soo staring intently at the boy standing in the doorway. I put my hands on my hips.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him, seething. Just a bit though.

"Examination. What if he's Yakuza, or Mafia." Gilbert said, also staring intently at my date, who was now fidgeting.

"Leave him alone! Jesus, guys." I told them, stomping over to where Sam stood.

"You look nice." He told me, glancing appreciatively at my outfit, especially at my shirt. I suddenly felt a lot more confident in my choice.

"Thank you. We're leaving!"

"Wait, where are you two going? How are you getting there? What will you be doing? No drinking, drugs, or sex, and she has to be home by 8." Vash said.

My jaw dropped.

"It's seven! I am _not _coming back in an hour. If I so want, I'll stay out till three in the morning!"

His eyes narrowed.

"Ten."

"Twelve."

"I'm not going any higher."

"You're not my dad, so it doesn't matter, and I have a key, so locking me out won't do anything."

"You never answered my questions either."

Sam finally spoke up.

"We're going to dinner and a movie, I have a car."

"So he's older, da ze!"

"Oh give it up, I'm going! Nothing you say will change that fact!"

"What movie? Where are you two eating?"

Oh Jesus Christ.

Really?

"We're eating at The Vine, and seeing… I don't know. What movies do you like?"

"Horror."

"Then we're seeing a random horror movie."

"Yes, and now that you all know what I'll be doing _every single minute _tonight, may I please _go _now?" I hissed, not even giving them a chance to object, I turned tail and marched out of the house dragging Sam behind me.

We left the house and went to The Vine, a very cool little restaurant that I just so happened to love. We ordered and sat there in an uncomfortable silence for a little while until I felt like we were being watched.

"Don't look now but… I just saw those guys from your house and two others duck in here."

I clenched my fists.

Bastards.

I'd show them.

I subtlety looked around the restaurant and upon seeing them, had a great idea.

We got our food soon after and started talking. About what we liked to do, favorite ice cream flavors, and random things like that. As the waitress came by to collect the check, I put my plan into action.

"Excuse me." I said, keeping my voice low, so that they wouldn't hear me. "It's his birthday today." I told her, pointing at the table.

"The pale one?"

…

Why not?

"Yes. Do you think you could…?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Sam gave me a wary look.

"What are you planning?"

"Revenge, sweet, _sweet, _revenge. Just sit back and watch." We sat there for a little bit until everything fell together.

The line of waitress stormed out of the kitchen waving a huge cake with sparklers lit singing, at the top of their lungs I might add, happy birthday.

I stifled my laughter.

Everyone's eyes followed the line as they danced and sang their way over to the table.

_Their _table. I might add.

I nearly exploded with laughter at the confused look on Gilberts face when they set the cake down in front of him and snapped a pointy birthday hat on his head.

We left the restaurant in the chaos, seeing as how we'd already paid the check.

I cackled in the car as we drove to the theater.

"His face. Holy crap, that was hilarious!"

Sam was laughing too.

"That was pretty funny."

I grinned.

We got there just in time for a showing of a random horror movie Snagging our tickets and treats.

If only those five hadn't stormed in, in the middle and made too much noise.

…

Yong Soo was the scapegoat for that one, as we left the theater I pulled Sam into a dark alley and waited for the three to go by.

"It wasn't that scary, da ze." I smirked.

"Boo!" I yelled, jumping out at them.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

I resisted the urge to cackle and ran off towards the car, collapsing against it, laughing.

Sam appeared a moment later and sat down next to me, also laughing.

This was actually kind of entertaining.

After we had finished cackling against a car (people probably thought we were high), we got up.

"Ice cream?" he asked.

"Don't even ask. Just drive. Frozen delicious treats of goodness, yum!" He chuckled and gave me a smile.

My heart didn't beat faster. Nope. Not at all.

Well… maybe it did.

But what does that matter?

As we sat outside eating our ice cream (him – Cookies N Cream, me – Blue Moon) I waited for _those five _to show up again.

But they didn't.

I really didn't want this to end.

But of course, it had too.

As he walked me up to the door I started walking slower and slower.

It still didn't stop the inevitable

"Well…" I started.

"Yeah…"

"We should do this again sometime."

I smiled at him.

"For sure."

He leaned towards me and I leaned towards him, our mouths were inches away when…

The door flew open and I was yanked into the house. The door was slammed in Sam's face.

"What the fuck!" I turned to glare at the offending person.

"It's for your own good, da ze!" Yong Soo told me, walking off.

"Bastard!" I yelled after him, as I stood there seething.

Knock-knock.

I yanked opened the door.

Just as Sam leaned down and gave me a small kiss on the lips.

"Again sometime." He told me, "But without your keepers." He smiled at me.

I stood there slightly in shock, but gave him a small smile back.

I had just been kissed.

Holy crap.

He turned and left, calling out a goodbye and waving before driving off.

I closed the door quietly.

…

Touching my lips I grinned like an idiot.

Tonight had been amazing.

"Deli, where's the shampoo, da ze?"

I just smiled to myself and went to my room.

He could find it on his own.

...

I hope.

Author's note: Sorry I skipped over some of the date things 9like all the conversation basically)… I've never been on one so… yeah. I pulled that shampoo scene from Hana Kimi except they all had towels wrapped around their waists in the show and Vash was the only one who did here. Poor Deli. At least Sam didn't meet Ivan… (yet).

Meanwhile, should I add in a chapter from someone else's POV, not Sam's but….? I'll put up a poll, you all can vote on it. Mmkay?

Shameless self advertising! I have a new oneshot up that features a country OC and Spain, not as a couple or anything, but would you guys please go read and review it?

I'll add in Deli's past in either the next chapter, or if you guys want me too do the other POV the chapter after.

~Keep reading.


	8. It's Not Stalking

I couldn't believe that Deli wouldn't listen to us, da ze. Now we had no choice. There was just one problem.

"Arthur, come with us, da ze!"

"No you bloody wanker. Now go away."

"Never, you can't say no to the awesome me!"

"What about me? Da ze!" I asked the albino angrily. He would never be more awesome then me! I was Korea, he originated in me!

"You're not as awesome; you couldn't convince her not to go."

"Neither could you, da ze!"

I could see England slowly edging out of the room.

"Kolkolkol…"

"Eek!" He shrieked, running into Ivan's chest.

…

That Russian scared me.

"You are not going Arthur? You should, don't you care about Deli?" Ivan asked, lightly swinging his pipe. England's eyes widened. I stayed silent,

"O-of course I c-care about h-her…"

"Then you will come, _da?"_ The Englishman sighed.

"…yes…" Russia smiled his creepy smile.

"That's good." He wandered out of the room, humming under his breath, swinging the pipe.

There was silence as the three of us stared at each other.

…

"Dammit, I hate that guy! He's unawesome! And he gives me the creeps!" Gilbert, I think it's called, took the words out of my mouth, da ze.

"Bloody hell, why are all of you so insistent?" I gave him a look.

"Because she's our _dong-saeng_."

"Pardon me?"

"Younger sibling, da ze."

"Basically, she's like our awesome little sister. Even if she isn't as awesome as me, but right now she's being pretty unawesome. I'm glad you decided to come! We have to protect her rose!"

"Her… rose?"

"Ya know, virginity!"

England hit his forehead with his hand. Deli did that a lot, what did she call it? A facepalm?

Yes, that was it. I remember the conversation.

"_Deli, what are you doing, da ze?"_

"_It's called a facepalm."_

_Facepalm? I gave her a puzzled look._

"_When the face meets the palm." She explained_

I gave the Englishman a look before walking out of the room. Now where was Deli, da ze? I walked to her room and knocked on her door.

"Hold on!"

I waited.

She was taking too long. What if she had fallen? I decided to check and opened the door.

"What the fuck are you doing?" A shirt landed on my head, covering my eyes. "I was in the middle of changing, idiot!"

Oh.

"Oops, da ze."

"Oops, my ass. Close my freaking door."

"When is he picking you up, da ze?"

"Seven, close my door already, will you?"

"Your shirt is still on my head, da ze."

"Point? Hm… I think I'll wear this."

I took the shirt off my head. And glared at the one she was wearing.

"No, da ze."

"Why not?"

"It's too revealing, da ze." And it was, it was bright red, and tight and… nothing I

would ever let my _dong-saeng_ wear. Never.

"You're just conservative." She told me, but turned back to her closet and

groaned. "I don't know what to wear. Dressy, casual? I don't even know where we're going."

I looked into her closet.

"That one, da ze."

"Hell no."

"Why not, da ze?"

"For one thing… it has reindeer on it."

"So, da ze?"

"For another it's nearly July and no way in hell am I wearing a sweater."

"Then why are you wearing jeans, da ze?"

"I always wear jeans."

It was true. She did.

"Now shoo, I need to decide what to wear."

"Nothing revealing, da ze."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She waved me at me, already digging through her closet. I smiled to myself and walked out. Foolish little sister, we would be watching on your date. However, if I said that, she would have told me that I sounded like a stalker, da ze. I was no stalker, just… an older brother.

Who would never going to let anything happen to his younger sister.

Ever, da ze.

I walked out of her room and closed the door. If only she would wear the reindeer sweater though. It really would make job much easier, unless he had a reindeer fetish, da ze.

-Hetalia-

She had finally left. The plan could commence, da ze!

"To The vine, da ze!"

"And step on it, our little sisters virginity is at stake!"

The taxi driver gave us a strange look in the mirror, but followed our orders. We pulled into a green colored building and dove out of the car, leaving Vash to sort things out, Gilbert and I running into the restaurant. Ivan came in after us, with Arthur following behind him. Vash walked in and looked around. The place was also green on the inside with vines everywhere. I guess the name made sense; there was a juice bar near the entrance, and a little stage in the back.

And the Deli and _that boy _were sitting near the doorway, I saw _that boy _look at us over Deli's shoulder.

"The awesome us need a seat, _now._" Gilbert said to the hostess, obviously also seeing the look _that boy _had given us as well. We were led to a small booth near enough to Deli and _that boy _to see them, but also slightly hard for them too see us in. Perfect, da ze.

He would not be doing anything to _my dong-saeng_ as long as I was around. We glanced at the menus, keeping an eye on the two.

"Why the bloody hell are we here again?" Arthur grumbled.

"To make sure nothing happens to our _dong-saeng_, da ze_._"

"What does that mean again?"

"Younger sibling, da ze."

"Oh, yes, yes. But why can't we trust her?"

"It's not a matter of trusting _her; _it's a matter of trusting that unawesome boy that she's with. What if he tries something and she can't protect herself?"

"So you think she can't protect herself."

"I never said that!"

"Actually you did." Vash cut in.

"Shut the fuck up, I didn't."

"_Da, _you did." Ivan told him.

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did you wanker, now shut up."

"Why are you on their side Artie?"

"Don't bloody call me that!"

I half listened as I saw a line of people come out of the kitchen waving around a cake with sparklers on the top.

"I think it's someone's birthday, da ze." I interrupted them. They looked over.

"That's a fire hazard." Vash pointed out.

"Hopefully no one falls." Arthur added.

"Don't jinx us." Gilbert told him.

"I don't believe that it'll jinx us Kaliningrad."

"Don't fucking call me that you unawesome jackass!"

"But that is what you are now, _da?" _

"Fuck you!"

"And have a happy, happy birthday!" The waitress shouted, dropping the death trap on the table in front of Gilbert. We all jumped like it was going to explode. Our faces were incredulous.

"What the hell?" Prussia asked, eyes and mouth wide as his right eye twitched slightly.

"Make a wish!" Everyone screamed.

"What?"

"Make a wish!"

"Why?"

"Make a wish!"

Were these people robots, da ze?

"Fine!" Gilbert yelled, blowing on the sparklers, they died before flaring up again.

"Make another wish!"

"Why?"

"Well obviously your last one wasn't good enough." Someone said. Gilbert glared at them.

"Shut up."

I sighed, Deli was probably long gone by now, da ze. You don't have to be a genius to figure out she had orchestrated this.

-Hetalia-

We had found the theater and walked into the movie.

"This is a horror movie, fuck yes!"

"Shut up you git, it's starting."

"Kolkolkol…"

Why was I the one sitting with the crazy Russian on one side and a trigger happy Swiss on the other, da ze?

The movie was nothing too special, da ze. Gilbert laughed, Ivan went 'Kolkolkol…' throughout the whole thing, which made me jump a couple times, since he started it up every time something creepy happened, Arthur kept telling Gilbert to shut up, and Vash well…

During one part as the girl opened a door and a dead body fell out I heard laughing (Gilbert) and a high pitch shriek to the left of me.

Where a certain Swiss had just so happened to be sitting.

"Dude, did you just fucking scream?" Gilbert asked, laughing.

"Shut. Up."

"You did, you totally fucking did!"

"Shut up you git! There are people still trying to watch the bloody movie!"

"But he screamed like a little girl Artie!"

"My bloody name isn't Artie, it's Arthur you imbecile."

"Kolkolkol…"

I wondered for a moment if this is what Deli felt like sometimes.

As we left the theater I turned toward the Swiss.

"So, scary movie, da ze?"

"Shut up."

"It wasn't that scary, da ze. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as a dark shape burst out of an alley at me yelling 'boo!' then running off. I put my hand to my chest and took a deep breath. I wanted to believe that it was nothing but a dog, but the not-so far off sound of Deli's laughter sounded pretty suspicious.

-Hetalia-

We watched as Deli and _that boy _got some ice cream.

"Let's just go home now." Arthur said.

"No we can't! What if that boy-"

"Gilbert you wanker, he's not going to try anything."

"How do you know, da ze?"

"The bloody fairies told me. Can we leave now?" Everyone gave him a strange look.

"I believe we should as well." Ivan said. Vash nodded his head in agreement.

"Well we'll just-"

"No. we're all leaving, right now. Taxi, take us home."

-Hetalia-

I watched them through the window, what was taking them so long to walk up the driveway, da ze? Watching them get to the porch and lean towards each other I decided to take action, I opened the door and snatched Deli by the arm, yanking her inside and slamming the door.

"What the fuck!" Deli yelled, turning around and glaring ar me.

"It's for your own good, da ze!" I told her turning and walking away. I had a feeling that she would punch me if I stayed any longer.

I wouldn't let anyone hurt my _dong-saeng. _

No one.

Authors Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated for a couple days! I'm so, so, so sorry! But I did warn you all that this may happen, so none of you can say that I didn't warn you! I'm sorry I made you all wait longer, it's geometry, it sapped my creativity, so maybe you all should send in suggestions for writers block in case it hits. However… reviews always force me into updating. I would have updated Friday, but I went out of town and I like having a copy of my chapters on _my _computer. I'll update again on… Wednesday. If not before, so if you check on stories everyday, check on Wednesday okay?

I don't know how well this turned out, there's also a lot of dialogue, so tell me if it gets confusing. I probably would have done better with either Arthur or Vash, but everyone wanted Yong Soo. Whom I love writing dearly, but his POV is hard for me, so tell me if I did okay…

Yong Soo isn't in love with her unless you want him too be! In that case, leave me a review and if I get enough people asking about it I'll take a poll on who she should end up with (though I may not listen, considering she's still in high school). I'll have to introduce more people though…

I hope everyone liked this chapter! Wish me luck with the second week of school (and thus, gym (bleeeeeech))! Next chapter is Deli's past, and please tell me if you see any mistakes with this, okay?

~Keep reading!


	9. Remembering The Past

"What're you doing?"

I looked up at Arthur in the doorway.

"Oh, just cleaning." I told him, scrubbing the dirty floor of my old room.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, thanks for asking though." He nodded and walked away. This had been my room ever since we moved here, until recently that is. Recently meaning when mom left. Which was around a month before school ended…

School. I hate that place… well more like the people in it. In other words the majority of my graduating class is full of complete jackasses.

I remember it all too. Every single tatter-tot thrown at me, every gesture pointed in my direction, and every word said to me. Oh yes. Every single word.

"_Hey Deli, how much?" I glared at them. "Come on! Don't be like that! I love you!"_

"_Yeah. Right." I muttered bitterly, "Like I'll ever fucking believe __**you**__."_

"_C'mon baby!" I flinched. Jackasses. I hated them. I hated them all. I looked towards them thinking; let me water the earth with your blood. Let's see how many plants grow…_

_Stop thinking that. It can't be healthy… for them or me though?_

_I need to stop thinking like that. It makes me seem schizo._

All the things they did to me…

_I felt a poke out of nowhere in my side and flinched away._

"_Hahaha…" the kid next to me started laughing. Ass._

_I sat still again and worked on my sheet._

_Poke. Flinch. Laugh._

_Poke. Flinch. Laugh._

_Poke. Flinch. Laugh._

_I. Hated. Him._

_Poke._

_Flinch._

_Laugh._

_Asshole._

"_Will you fucking __**stop it **__already?"_

"_What? Don't like me touching you?"_

_No. Never. Touch me again and I'll…_

_I just shook my head. Best not to finish that thought…_

The things they threw…

_I felt a tatter-tot bounce off my back._

_A eraser hit me on the forehead._

_Colored pencils off the back of my head._

_And a rubber band. Flicked at my head. _

_Guess what?_

_It hit._

It affects people more then they realize I suppose.

"_Deli!" Katie ran up, giving me a hug. I flinched slightly. Luckily she didn't notice._

Still… they're all jackasses.

I looked down at the floor, biting my lip to keep from screaming. Maybe I'd finish this later… yeah. That sounded like a good idea. I needed to get my mind off of everything for now.

-Hetalia-

"In here again?"

I looked up.

"Yeah. Cleaning it out… lots of memories." Not all good ones.

"Ah… I know the feeling." Arthur said, giving me a look. I nodded at him. "Do you need any help?"

"No, thanks though. It's something I have to do on my own…" he nodded and walked off.i turned towards the bookshelves. I had to go through them. I reached up to start when my phone rang. I grumbled and answered it.

"Hello…"

"Hey Deli! It's Katie!"

"Hey Katie."

"I love you."

"Erm… love you… too?"

"Remember when your skirt blew up?" I could feel myself smiling but inside I just went, Could you please stop bringing that up?

"Yeah. How many hits does it have now?" I asked, laughing like it was no big deal.

"Like… over 15,000."

"Really? Wow."

"Yeah, I know. Right?" No, I don't know.

"Yeah. Hey, I have to go cook dinner. Bye."

"Bye, love you!"

"Yeah, love you too." I said, hanging up. I sighed and went back to work. My friends were… strange to say the least. And like my mom, always seemed to forget about me.

Always making promises…

"_Let's go to the mall together!" Sunny smiled at me cheerfully._

"_I don't know…"_

"_Come on, it'll be fun!"_

_I sighed. _

"_Fine."_

"_Great! We'll pick you up at 5, okay?"_

"_Sure."_

…And forgetting to keep them.

_I stood in line and listened to the conversation Sunny and Hailey were having._

"_I had so much fun at the movies last night!" I flinched._

"_I know! That was such a good one!"_

"_You should have came Deli."_

_I opened my mouth to answer but another friend walked up. I just sighed._

_This was all too tiresome._

_I just wanted to sleep forever… and never wake up._

Not noticing me…

"_Hey Deli!" Sunny shouted._

"_Hey… do you know what the homework was yesterday?"_

"_Why?"_

"_I wasn't here."_

"_You weren't? I never noticed… oh, hey Hailey!" She ran off. I watched her. _

_Was I really so invisible?_

Apparently, no one ever remembered what happened to me…

"_Deli, can you help me with my homework?" Emily asked._

"_I wasn't here yesterday."_

"_Really? Why?"_

"_Funeral. My Grandma died."_

_Sunny turned towards me._

"_What? When did this happen?"_

"_I told you this last Monday."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes, Sunny."_

_I was so tired._

…But still expected me to be there, no matter what.

"_We broke up!" Emily told me._

"_What? Why?" I asked. Her eyes filled with tears._

"_I don't know!" I gently reached over and hugged her._

"_I'm sorry." _

_She just cried._

I was always the rock.

I had to be. For my mom. For my sister. For my friends.

I had no choice. Someone had to be strong.

Even if everyone else forgot about me…

"_Hey Deli, when's your birthday?" Mary asked._

"_Um… next Tuesday."_

"_Are you having a party?"_

"_No."_

"_We should have a party at school then!"_

_I shrugged._

"_Okay, party next Tuesday at school for Deli, don't forget, and don't tell her, it's a secret." Katie said these last three words in a whisper. As if I hadn't been right there._

_Tuesday came and went._

"_Deli, I like that shirt, is it new?" Mary asked._

"_I got it for my birthday."_

"_Oh… when is it?"_

"…_Last Tuesday."_

"_What? Why didn't you ever tell us?" I shrugged._

"_Guess it slipped my mind."_

I looked at the pile of books on the desk.

I guess I should take these in the crawlspace.

Then I'd take another break.

Too many memories…

-Hetalia-

"Every time I pass here, you're in this bloody room."

I didn't even need to look up this time.

"Haha, yeah… lots of memories…"

"Good ones?"

"…some."

This room _had _been my safe haven for such a long time. Like in second grade when my mom and step-dad would fight. That ended in a divorce. I still saw my little sister (not really) sometimes though…

"Hmm…" I heard him walk away.

I stripped the bed of its sheets.

All the memories were flooding back already…

"_Momma, why're you crying?"_

"_It's nothing."_

"…" _I already knew that it was because of the fighting._

"_Everything's going to be okay." She told me. I held my arms out._

"_Wanna hug?"_

"_Yeah…" _

_So I hugged her. Because she was my momma, and if she cried I needed to help her._

_It was my job._

After all the fights…

"_We're getting a divorce." _

_There was crying. _

_I went into my room so I didn't have to see it all, but they followed me. _

"_It's okay Deli…" Sam said, coming into the room._

"_No."_

_He just hugged me._

_Could I cry now?_

Divorce. I hated that word.

And then my older sister went bad…

"_Deli…"_

"_Hmm?" I looked at the clock. It was 4:30 a.m. "What's wrong?"_

"_Jamie was in a car accident. I'm going to the hospital."_

_I bolted straight up._

"_Go back to bed." Mom told me, backing out of the room._

_How could I?_

Doing worse and worse things…

"_Jamie no smoking in the house!"_

"_No, you can't smoke pot in here…"_

"_Hello? Yes, I'd like to report that my daughter ran away…"_

"_He was living under the house!"_

"_You've been stealing things out of cars? How stupid are you!"_

"_Your sister's possibly pregnant…"_

"_You got busted for Possesion?"_

…And the expectations fell onto me…

"_You have to get all A's!"_

"_Mom-"_

"_No buts!"_

"_Hmm… you got a B…"_

"_Yeah! It's better then last semester!"_

"…_Work harder next time."_

…

"_Yes mom…"_

"_Good girl. Don't become like your sister."_

_I nodded._

I hated it. All the pressure. All the restrictions. The stress overwhelmed me…

_I took the pills._

_I cut at my wrists._

_I held my head under water._

_None of it worked…_

…

_I wished we owned a gun._

"_Mom…"_

"_Yes?"_

"… _I think… I'm suffering from depression."_

"…_Don't be silly. You're in sixth grade." But I've been trying to kill myself since fifth… "It's just a phase."_

_Tell that to the marks on my wrist…_

It took my journal to convince her…

"_There are suicide poems in here!"_

"_So! I tried telling you! You didn't listen! You never listen! And what wre you doing reading my journal?"_

"_Don't give me that!"_

"_Give you what?"_

"_The 'You didn't listen' crap!"_

"_It's fucking true!"_

"_Don't swear!"_

"_You swear all the time!"_

I was sent to a psychiatrist…

"_So you had suicide poems in your journal."_

"_Point?"_

"…"

"…"

"_Maybe I should talk to your mom about this as well…"_

…

"_You do that."_

Nearing the end of my freshmen year we figured something out.

I was better off alone.

"_Jamie will watch you, okay? She'll check in." No she wouldn't, but whatever made you feel better mom._

"_I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."_

"…_Okay. Call me if you need anything."_

"_Okay. Love you mom."_

"_Love you too."_

_We hugged, and then she left. I waved at her from the front porch until she rounded the corner. Then I just stood there for a while._

_I was alone._

_I didn't have to pretend anymore._

I was sitting on the bed.

I kind of missed my mom.

But now I had other people. I felt a tear run down my cheek.

I didn't have to pretend anymore… I cried harder and buried my face in my arms. Independence wasn't so great…

"Deli, are you okay?" It was Arthur.

I nodded into my arms.

…

He walked over to me, I could hear him, and placed his hand on my back. I just sobbed harder.

It was my fault mom was gone.

"What's wrong with Deli, da ze?" Yong Soo.

"Yeah, is she feeling okay?" Gilbert.

"Um…" I could tell Arthur was feeling awkward.

"'M fine…" I told them, head still buried in my arms, voice perfectly smooth.

I was the rock.

"Deli…"

"Let me see her." I heard Ivan tell everyone.

"And why should we leave her alone with you?" Gilbert demanded.

"Because."

"I'm fine…"

"Out. Now."

Who knew Ivan could be so demanding?

I heard grumbling as they all left the room.

Then it was just me and Ivan.

"You can cry now." He told me.

So I did.

I wanted to be a kid again. I didn't want these memories. I hated school, but june was almost over and I'd have to go back soon enough.

My sister had forgotten about me.

My mom hadn't called in weeks. Neither had my dad.

Despite being in a house full of people, I'd never felt so alone.

I don't know how long I sat there but it must have been hours, because when I tried to move I was stiff.

"Ivan…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I felt him pat my head as I looked up.

"No problem little Deli." We sat there for a minute. Surprisingly enough… Ivan was easy to be around.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Yes?" I croaked.

"Are you hungry Deli?" It was Vash.

"Um…" My stomach growled. "Yes."

"I have some food. May I come in?"

"Yes." The door opened and Vash stepped in with a plate of food in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Here you go." He said handing it to me and clearing his throat slightly.

"Thank you. I think I'll go eat in my room, okay?"

"Of course…" I nodded and got up stiffly, grabbing the plate and glass from his hands and nodded in thanks, walking towards my room.

After eating and drinking I looked at the water, it had about half the water as before.

Some people would say it's half empty.

Others, half full.

Personally… I think it's just half a glass of water.

Author's note: This was really hard to write for some reason!

How'd you all like it? I think I added to much of myself to Deli and she's become sort of a self-insert… but… oh well.

I wanted to get Arthur, Ivan, and Vash in here a bit… meanwhile… there are some people who want Korea/Deli… and someone mentioned Gilbert and Deli! I'll wait a couple chapters then put a poll up…

Go read my other Hetalia fic people! And leave a review! That story isn't as loved (by some of you… others HAVE reviewed…), as this one is… unless you _really _don't want to read it… then _I guess _you don't have too…

~Keep reading


	10. Let The Rain Wash It Away

The next morning I got up at ten… wait… where was usual wake up call from Yong Soo? Did something happen to him? Oh my god, he finally gave into his urges and groped Ivan and they buried his dead body outside in the yard!

…

I'm surprised I'm not more of a conspiracy theorist to tell you the truth.

I got out of bed and dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans before wandering into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Where the hell was everyone? I didn't hear any sounds of life coming from the house at all… oh God! Ivan killed them all! No! What do I do? Should I call the police? The army? My mom?

Nevermind, scratch that last one… it wouldn't end well…

At All.

Especially considering no one outside of this house (and Bernie) knew that I was living in a house full of guys. And if mom found she'd come back and everything would all go to hell… again.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

"Holy Crap!" I hollered. I looked like shit. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair stuck up everywhere. I splashed some cold water on my face and rubbed my eyes squinting at my reflection.

Maybe if I combed my hair…

I struggled with it for a minute before just throwing my arms up in a 'dammit all to hell' motion and heading downstairs. I wandered into the kitchen and nearly sighed in relief when I saw that everyone was already there, but immediately got suspicious when I realized none of them were talking.

"Um… good morning?" Did someone die? They killed my cat didn't they? Bastards! Okay, so I don't think that they killed my cat. But still…

Oh God… this wasn't because of my little mental breakdown was it?

"So… how are all of you this morning?" I asked, trying to sound cheerful, they all just looked at me.

Dear God. It _was _about last night. Just because they find out I have working tear ducts they can't treat me normally now? It's not like I would burst into tears at every little thing they said. I was feeling fine again… well, kind of. I was always better at ignoring things versus actually dealing with them. Especially for weeks at a time.

"I'm feeling good this morning and – Why the _fuck _is there a goddamn dead fucking squirrel on the mother-fucking sidewalk!" I screeched looking out the window. I felt my eyes go wide. What the hell? Seriously? "I'm not dealing with that. Ewww! It's missing its head! Holy shit! I think I see it's heart!" I gagged. "Damnit Voodoo! That squirrel has to be as big as she is _at least _and yet she still managed to kill it?" I shuddered. Poor Squirrel. "Can someone else deal with that? I kind of refuse to." I said, backing away from the window.

"I will." Ivan said, standing up and going outside.

"Don't touch it with your bare hands! There's a shovel… somewhere…" I yelled after him before turning away.

"I should finish cleaning that room, I'll just eat a banana and… why are you giving me that look?" I asked Gilbert, who was giving me an 'are you high' look.

"You burst into tears because you were cleaning that room!"

"So? It still needs to be cleaned. I'm fine now. Only good memories left. Ah-hahahahahaha." _So _not true. There were plenty of bad memories left. But a lot of paranoid ones, so instead of making me depressed I'd become paranoid and possibly go out and buy a gun with several hundred bullets… which would be so much better, yes? Yes!

Shut up…

Not schizo.

…

But possibly bipolar.

"Besides," I continued, "I lived in that room for… what, ten years and didn't have a mental breakdown everyday that entire time." Though I did have a lot. But I was _not _going to tell Gilbert that. Or Arthur. Or anyone really. They were better off not knowing.

"The squirrel is taken care of."

"Thank you Ivan." I grabbed a banana. "Now I really do have to get back to cleaning." I told them, before running back up to my old room. It had been my old safe haven, the least I could do was clean the place up. I finished by banana outside the door and threw it away in the bathroom garbage. Then I stood outside my old door.

…

I kind of didn't want to go in.

Maybe I should go read fanfiction? Yeah, that sounded like a good idea… but… I looked guiltily at the door. I really did need to clean.

I sighed and turned the doorknob. I would clean for a bit and then read some fanfiction. And then watch Hana Kimi. Yeah… that sounded like a good idea. And then I'd make some grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.

…

But first I had to clean.

I sighed and started looking through the desk. I wonder what was in – oh right.

Ah-hahahahahahahaha… that was going in the garbage. I blushed and tossed the offending item in the trash bag. I didn't even _want _to know where the hell my friends got that…

At least it wasn't a cake, because that would be harder to hide from my mom. I looked at some old math papers before shoving those too in the bag. Successfully covering the… gift.

My friends were such perverted idiots.

"Need help, Deli, da ze?"

"Eeeek! Don't scare me like that!" I screamed thankful that the… item was already buried under math papers…and that the bag was black and not see-through.

"Okay, da ze." Yong Soo said, walking in and looking at my bookshelf. "What should I do?"

"I can do this on my own."

"Too bad, da ze. I'm helping, da ze." Well if you're going to be _persistent _about it…

"Um… Put all the children's books in one box and the other books on the bed." I told him, turning back to the desk. We worked like that for a little while.

"Um… Deli… what's _this,_da ze?" I turned around to see Yong Soo holding a bag of – oh shit.

"Nothing!" I squeaked, running over and snatching the stocking of paraphernalia from him.

"…"

"…"

"…It looks like pot if you ask me, da ze." I gave him a look.

"Yes, Yong Soo, because chocolate Santa's _really _look like pot."

"I'm talking about what's under the chocolate Santa's, da ze." I paled. Dammit. People needed to stop giving me weird things. Besides, its not like I ever smoked it…

Okay, maybe once or twice, but that's it! And I don't think it worked too much…

Ahem…

"Not to mention the cigarettes, da ze."

"I don't smoke."

"There's some missing, da ze."

"What the- is that what you've been doing the whole time?"

"…Maybe, da ze."

"It's none of your business what I do dammit!"

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

"Deli has pot, da ze."

"Yeah, my belly buttons also pierced and I have a tattoo. Not to mention that I had my ears pierced five times each and am planning on getting my eyebrow and nose pierced at a later date! Any more questions, _mom?" _I demanded at the top of my lungs. My eyes stung, why were they so… so… over-protective. I was living on my own before they came and doing _just fine. _I didn't need them sticking their noses in my business.

I dropped the stocking on the floor and flew out of the room and down the steps and out the front door.

I don't know how long I walked but it was dark by the time I started heading back, I heard a rumble and looked up toward the sky as a drop of water hit me on the forehead. The sky opened up and I was soaked as the rain fell.

I looked back down and kept on walking slowly home.

…

I looked at the front door.

Would I keep letting my past hold me back?

It's not like I still even had my belly button pierced technically, I took the piercing out before school even ended. Before mom left even. And it's not as if I ever wore my earrings. Also my tattoo was a music note behind my left ear. The treble cleft sign to be exact. It was because I played the saxophone. I hadn't smoked pot since… what? January? And then only twice, at most, and I didn't even smoke that on my own either. It was with a group… and the cigarettes missing were because I gave them to a friend. All I used the lighters for was incense. In fact I'd kind of forgotten about all of that stuff until now.

Why don't I just start over?

No smoking.

Erase all the bad memories.

It sounded good enough.

…

Could I really put everything behind me so easily? I don't think so, but… I still had them. Ivan, Yong Soo, Gilbert, Vash, Arthur… and more to come too.

Maybe… they could help?

I stood there for a minute longer.

The best thing about the rain is that it hides your tears…

And lets them disappear without a trace.

I would try to let go, I decided as I walked up the steps and opened the door.

"Deli! Are you okay?" Arthur asked, running up to me. I smiled at him.

"Yeah… let's go."

"Go? Go where?" Gilbert asked. I grinned at him.

"Outside."

"But it's raining, da ze!" Yong Soo shouted.

"So?" I asked.

"We'll catch a cold." Vash pointed out.

"He does have a point." Ivan agreed.

…

"And if we always worry about getting a cold we'll never do anything!" I told them all, grabbing Gilberts hand and pulling him towards the door. "Come on! Let's all dance in the rain!"

There was silence.

"…or are you all too chicken to?" I asked, smirking. "Too old perhaps?"

"Of course the awesome me isn't chicken!" Gilbert shouted.

"Then come on!" I yelled, laughing, as I tugged him out the door and down the porch.

Everyone else stood in the doorway, watching.

"Come on! The water's great!" I yelled, spinning around in the rain, laughing louder. When they didn't come I ran up and dragged Arthur and Vash out. "Dance!" I ordered. "_Baila!" _Yong Soo ran out and grabbed my arm. Laughing I followed after him, jumping into a small puddle in the middle of the road. "Yahoo!" I yelled, spinning around, letting the rain wash me of everything. Gilbert ran over and swung me over his shoulder.

"Eek! What are you doing?" I asked.

"Dancing!" he yelled, spinning around so fast I got dizzy. I laughed again.

Sometimes… it doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty… sometimes, it's just half a glass of water.

And you know what? That's all it ever will be.

Author's note: I meant to get this up yesterday! I'm sorry everyone!

Baila – Dance, in Spanish. It's on order, basically she's just yelling at them to dance, only in Spanish. I don't know if there's a plural form for this so if there is and this one is wrong _please _tell me.

The next chapter will feature a pasta loving Italian (that is not Deli, despite the fact that she is in fact Italian and does love pasta), a phone call, and… will be updated by OR on Wednesday. Okay?

I love all my reviewers! Plus… 15 more reviews and its 100! I've never had a story break 100 reviews (or even get close to tell you the truth)! So everyone review! Because it inspires me! And without inspiration there's no updates!

I hope you all liked this chapter, tell me if it seems strange, or if you see anything wrong…

~Keep reading!


	11. Oh Crap

Da-da da-daa, da-da-daa, da-daa, da-daa.

What am I doing? Singing the Mission Impossible (I'm pretty sure at least) theme, o' course! Why?

Well… Arthur decided I looked "bloody bored" so he deemed me fly swatter!

What he didn't know was that I suck at swatting flies (even though I _did_ tell him). That last time I had, I had hit my mom on the back with the swatter because I saw a fly.

I still missed.

So since I normally sucked at swatting flies (I think the damn things got enjoyment out of watching me too) I decided to pull a sneak attack this time!

…Well… it _would _have worked… if I didn't keep cracking up.

As of right now I was having a laugh attack on the floor.

And it didn't help that Arthur was giving me weird looks.

"Wh-(giggle)-what?" I asked, from my position on the floor. He just gave me a look. "I told you that I suck." I reminded him, trying to keep my mind off of what I was doing.

It didn't work.

I leaned against the wall and started laughing again.

I just couldn't take myself seriously!

"Yeah, you suck."

Pfffft. Hahahahahaha!

I know I did.

But to be fair, I _did _warn him.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Why swatting flies o' course!" I told him, still giggling.

"You are not swatting bloody flies; you're prancing around the kitchen waving the fly swatter around like a nutburger."

Haha, he said nutburger.

"I take offense to that. I am not waving the fly swatter around." I was singing the Mission Impossible tune. Is it that easy to mix the two up?

He opened his mouth to protest when someone knocked on the door.

It could only be one person…

"Hello Bernie…" I said, opening the door.

"Hi, Delilah."

"Deli."

"The box says Delilah though…"

"I like Deli better though."

"…and that makes _all _the difference…"

"Are you being sarcastic young man?"

"Maybe."

"Okay." I stepped aside and let Bernie in.

"For the record, I think we're both insane." He told me, wheeling the large box in.

"That may be so…"

"Maybe? It bloody hell is true, at least for you!" I heard Arthur yell from the kitchen as Ivan came down the stairs and pulled the smaller box off the top of the bigger one.

"Thanks Ivan!" I told him, dancing around the box. I was in a good mood for some strange reason or another. I waved goodbye to Bernie and studied the manual he had left me with, tearing open the envelope.

FELICIANO VARGAS: User Manual and Guide

My reaction.

…

…

…

YES!

Finally, someone who wouldn't grope me! Or shoot at me! Or really scare me at all! I was so freaking happy I thought I would explode. Also… he could cook. And cook _pasta _at that. I looked at the manual and read through how to wake him up…

I could always tug on his curl but… I didn't want to deal with what might happen.

So I'd just make pasta. What _kind _though? Spaghetti? Fettuccini? Lasagna? Mm… lasagna sounded delicious for lunch. Also you didn't even need to boil the noodles (according to my dad, and he makes freaking _good _lasagna). But… that took a lot of time. Maybe later. I decided to just boil hot water instead. I turned on the stove humming cheerfully as England gave me a 'what the bloody hell are you on?' look. I nearly laughed, but decided not to. Just to, you know, appear sane, yes? Yes!

Nope. Still not schizo. But completely insane. Possibly. Maybe. Yes? Yes! Wait, I mean no! Hahaha…

…

…

No, I didn't smoke anything! I swear to drunk that I'm not God! Haha, literally. I'm not high on anything, I just woke up in an insanely good mood this morning. I didn't even punch Yong Soo! Shocker, yes? Yes!

Not schizo.

I filled a pot about two thirds up with water and set it on the lit burner.

"La-di-da FUCK!" I yelled, accidentally putting my hand down too close to the burner. My hand stung as I yanked it quickly away and shoved it into the sink turning the cold water on.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Arthur asked, giving me a strange look. I glared at him before turning back to my hand. I hated burns, always have, ever since I was little and stuck my finger in the fire. Which had hurt like hell, and then there was the summer I accidentally sat on a hot grill cover after getting out of the blow-up pool. I had stumbled when walking and mistakenly sat down. Bad idea.

I debated whether or not to send Arthur to get me some aloe gel or get the damn stuff myself when I heard someone hitting the giant box out in the living room then the sound of said someone erupting into tears.

Oh.

I guess Feliciano woke up.

I walked out into the living room and opened the box.

"Ve! Thank you! You saved me from the scary box! My names Feliciano, but you can call me Feli! What's yours?" He asked, jumping out of the box hugging me tightly.

"Erm… Deli. Would you like to make some pasta?" I asked, watching as his eyes lit up.

"Pasta? PASTAAAAA!" He yelled, letting me go and running around before giving me puppy dog eyes. "Where?"

"Erm… Kitchen." I told him, pointing to the doorway next to him, he ran through the door into the kitchen.

"What the hell?"

I pulled myself together and walked into the kitchen.

"It's Feli, Arthur." I said, walking over to the sink to plunge my hand into the still running water. I really should have turned it off. It's a waste. And I needed to water the plants. Not like that had anything to do with anything (just everything to do with nothing).

"I can see that, you nutburger."

"Haha… you said nutburger." Arthur gave me another strange look, but I just chuckled as I watch Italy flail around the kitchen making pasta. The wonder's of how (oddly) true the English dub had been about some things. Arthur opened his mouth to reply back but my phone rang. I held up a finger in silence at him and he scowled at me.

"_Moshi moshi." _I spoke into the phone, grinning.

"What the hell does that mean?" My grin fell and I felt the blood rush out of my face.

"M-mom?"

"Yeah, who else would it be?" Um… Santa?

"Santa. The Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy and I have been chatting quite a bit recently."

"Smart-ass."

"Yep. That's me. So… why ya calling?" I asked, laughing (a bit nervously).

"Your psychiatrist called me. Apparently you haven't been going to your sessions." I paled. Crap, I'd forgotten. Completely and utterly forgotten.

"I've been… busy." I told her.

"I'm sending Jamie over to check on you."

"Now?"

"Yes. I'll call and warn her about your housemates. I told her to bring some of those cookies you like. And some pie. I have to get back to work now. Make sure you call and make another appointment with Dr. Florence." I winced.

"Yes-" Ma'am "-mom."

"Bye. Love you."

"Yeah. Love you too. Bye…" I trailed off. Looking at my phone after she hung up.

"Crap!" I yelled, running into the living room and looking out the window. She wasn't here yet… was she?

Nope.

That was good. Now I just had to warn everyone.

"She's coming! She's coming!" I panicked, flailing my arms in the air while running in a circle.

"And… who exactly is coming again?" Arthur asked me.

I resisted the urge to say 'The British'. I managed. But just barely.

"My sister!" I screeched at him. This was no time for idle chatter. My freedom was at stake! At least I was getting windmill cookies out of it. Yum…. Windmill cookies.

"And… why exactly is she coming?"

"I didn't go see Dr. Florence! I'm a bad person! But I have no way to get there really, so I shouldn't be expected to keep going. I mean, I really don't wanna walk _all _the way across town and _all_ the way back… it's boring and a waste of time."

"Who's Dr. Florence, da ze?" Yong Soo asked from the top of the stairs.

"My psychiatrist! My sister is coming! My sister is coming! Everyone hide!" I yelled, waving my arms wildly.

"Why should the awesome me hide?" Gilbert asked from behind Yong Soo.

"Because! It's my sister! My _older _sister! She controls my fate right now!" I yelled gesturing frantically at… thin air. Everyone just gave me crazy looks as Ivan came in from the backyard, a sunflower in his hands. I opened my mouth to tell them that the male gender was not my mom's favorite gender, and that my sister would more then likely be telling her that I was living in a house full of (who would guess it) _males…_ when I heard a car pull up.

Oh. Crap.

This wouldn't end well…

"Ve! The pasta's ready!" Feliciano called, stepping into the living room as I heard someone coming up the steps.

…

Where the fuck was his pants?

I heard the door start to open and I froze.

Shit.

I was screwed.

…

This wouldn't end well.

…

My hand still stung.

…

The pie better be freakin strawberry-rhubarb.

Author's note: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE! I… got sick, and then got a small case of writers block.

If I stop updating/don't update when I'm supossed to… you all have the right to freely bitch me out via PM/Review/Email…

Meanwhile I got hit in the back with a tennis ball today. I think it's because I hadn't updated when I was supposed to… Karma's a bitch.

I'm sorry Vash didn't make an appearance this chapter… I'l give him (and Ivan) bigger roles next chapter.

On a happier thought... WE GOT OVER 100 REVIEWS! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!

Now if only more love was put towards my one-shot... (shameless self advertisment...).

Sorry about the cliffhanger!

I love all my reviewers! I love you all! I'm a horrible person!

Keep reading! Please!

P.S. … I think Italy was kind of insane this chapter also… go read "You Can't Take The Sky From Me" if you like good AU's and USUK (which I always pronounce "You Suck" because it looks like U SUK. So that's how I pronounce it. Also read "Seven Little Killers" It has character death though, just warning you. But it's freaking amazing! Don't read if you're too squeamish. Both fics ROCK.

P.P.S. Al of you should (right now) pull up a youtube tab and type in "Hetalia Easy A Trailer" then watch it. Then if anyone has seen the movie, write a fanfic based off of it. Anyone who can do it without gender-bending gets… a story I guess. I'll just need a plot and if you want any pairings… If someone doesn't do this I'm going to eventually, but that means less updates for this story…

P.P.P.S. Also, I'll update next Monday. Feel free to kick my ass viz internet if I don't… blame gym and geometry!


	12. I Finally Get My Windmill Cookies

"Oh fuck." I groaned, eyes wide. Feeling completely screwed over by the universe, I might add.

"Deli where are-"

"DA ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She was cut off by Yong Soo slamming the door closed with a battle cry as Gilbert snatch Feliciano and dragged him upstairs.

"…The _fuck!" _Jamie and I both yelled simultaneously. Me from inside the house, and her from wherever the hell she was standing on the porch outside. Or possibly on her ass sitting on the sidewalk. Either one worked for me but the second one almost made me laugh. Almost. I held back.

…

If only to save my life later.

"Yong Soo, let my sister in!" I yelled, before mouthing Thank you at him. He gave me a cheeky grin and opened the door.

"Sorry, da ze. I thought you were the one _boy."_

"I have advice for you Yong Soo… shutdafuckupnowORDIE…"

"…I really don't want to know Deli. I. Really. Do. Not. Want. To. Know. Anyways, how are you?"

"I'm erm… good?"

"That's good."

"You?"

"I'm good."

"That's… good." We really needed to find a new adjective now. This one was making my head hurt. "This is Yong Soo. He's… one of my new… housemates…"

"Oh… a house_mate, _is it?"

"…Shuddup."

"No thanks little sister." She grinned at me, in a way that said, 'I have blackmail now, and no I am _not _afraid to use it.' "Was the naked one another?" I winced, ah Feli… _why did you have to be so freaking stupid? _

"He… wasn't naked."

"Could have fooled me." I resisted the urge to point out a lot of things could fool her considering how much pot she smoked. She was probably high right now; otherwise she'd probably already be extorting me. Now I had a whole day, unless I could buy her off. Sadly I'd given the pot I had to a friend earlier, so I was screwed.

Fuck me sideways up the ass with a rusty rake.

…

Not really though… that would hurt.

"He's Italian."

"So are you."

"…From _Italy." _

"Oh." Safe! Thank God for the differences between America and Europe, I've never been so happy that we're such prudes. Hopefully she wouldn't remember this though. Just to be safe. She held up a paper bag that I hadn't noticed until now. "I bring cookies and pie… and brownies."

"HOLY FUCK! BROWNIES!" I shouted, pouncing. She hit me over the head and I whined. "What the hell was that for?"

"I need to put them in the kitchen."

"What kind of pie-"

"Strawberry rhubarb."

Fuck. Yes.

"…And the brownies?" I asked, giving her a look. They were probably pot ones.

"Just the mix."

"Oh. Okay." She gave me a weird look like I was the one that was high and walked into the kitchen.

"Holy shit!"

"Eh?" I asked, wandering into the kitchen to see my older sister staring at Ivan with a terrified look on her face. "Oh, that's Ivan. If he scares you wait till Berwald gets here… if he ever does." I would film that encounter. And then post it on youtube. In fact I wished I had filmed this one. "He's Russian."

"Russian?" Her eyes got wider.

"Is there something… wrong… with Russians?" Ivan asked, grin growing wider.

"Well vodka kinda sucks, I prefer beer." My eyes widened, oh fuck no. This wasn't good… "Deli does too." Oh hell no. I would not be pulled into this.

"I don't drink. Never have."

"You smoke."

"I did that all of twice. Why waste the money?"

"…Only you would think that."

"Whatever you say dear sister. Now give me my fucking cookies or die, yes? Yes."

"You don't scare me, Deli. And you just sounded really schizophrenic."

"Not schizo."

Yong Soo choose this time to speak up.

"She scares me da ze. It's horrible to get her up." My sister grinned evilly.

"Not if you do it roughly." My jaw dropped.

"That sounds fucking perverted! Ew! Ew! Ew! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Well we _are _related."

"…Sadly." Extremely sadly. I hated being related to the wicked bitch. Even if she did bring me cookies. Even if they were windmill cookies, which were deliciously kickass.

"Anyways, here's your shit. And you have an appointment tomorrow…" Windmill cookies were not shit! They were _the _shit.

"Hmm, appointment? What appointment?"

"The one with Dr. Florence."

"Eh? I have an appointment with her?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you missed your other ones and- who's this now?" I turned around at the sound of my sister voice. It was Vash. With Gilbert, in tow with Feliciano.

"Vash, Gilbert, and Feli." Io said, pointing at each one of them as I said their name.

"You forgot an awesome someone!"

"Who? Oh. And that's Gilbird. On top of Gilbert's head."

"Hello." She said, giving Vash a look. What was that- oh hell no. My older sister could not, read _not, _like Vash. That would be a disaster waiting to happen.

That _was _a disaster waiting to happen.

…

Ew. Bleck. No. _Never._

"Ve, do you want some pasta?" Feliciano asked, Walking over to the stove where a huge pot of pasta sat, a simmering pot of alfredo sauce next to it. Mmm… pasta.

"No, I'm going out with some of my friends." Code for, I'm going to a party and getting high. Have fun being boring!

…

Little did my older sister realize that my life was hardly boring now-a-days. Ever since that fateful click. Stupid popups. I still hated them. I have a feeling that I always would… well, I always _have. _I'll just hate them even more now.

"Mmkay, bye!" I just wanted to eat my cookies dammit! Well… and my pie. I pulled out the packages of windmill shaped cookies and eyed them eagerly. Windmill cookies! Which are really, just windmill shaped cookies, but they really are deliciously kickass! Mmm… until my cat jumped next to me with a loud meow causing me to shriek and drop some packages.

"Stupid psycho cat!" She just gave me a look and meowed at me again, really loudly. "I was going to eat some cookies!" She just meowed again. I pet her on the the head before flapping my hands wildly, "Shoo!"

"Mow."

"Shoo!"

"Mow."

"Shoo!"

"Mow"

"Shoo!"

"Mow." In the background I could here Arthur introducing himself to my sister and asking if he should be worried about my mental health. I glared at my cat.

"Mow," I said.

"Merrrr-ow."

"Mother fucker."

"Nah, she's always like this. I think she gets it from mom actually…"

"That's… quite depressing regretfully." Was my sister flirting with Arthur too? Jesus Christ, why couldn't she like someone who _isn't _supposed to be fictional? Because that would be too normal, a little voice inside my head muttered.

Of course. Because nothing can be easy in my life (or normal for that matter). All I wanted to do was read and write and eat pocky, but _no _that would be too easy. Even on a normal day an hour doesn't go by without me being molested by a crazy Korean, not that there's anything wrong with Koreans… Yong Soo is just fucking insane. Everyone is!

Heh-heh… sorry about my mini rant there. But it's all the pop-ups fault.

…

Seriously. Everything can be blamed on it. Even global warming. _Especially _global warming.

Still. There was nothing I could do about it now. Sigh.

"When are you leaving?" I _politely _asked my sister. While offering her a cookie and a cup'o tea. Not really, I was eating the cookies myself and glaring at anyone who dared tried to take one. They could have one later. But right now they were _mine. _Mine.

No one else's.

Meanwhile I was considering making hot chocolate.

Mmm…

That sounded good, but a chocolate milkshake sounded better. I'd have to go get ice cream, popsicles too. That sounded like a good idea.

"Now Deli, remember be good and use protection."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" She ran out the door, waving at me and jumped in her car getting it started and taking off. "Crazy… this place is absolutely insane…" I muttered, turning back into the kitchen to see my cat eating my cookie. Great, my day couldn't get any better by chance, could it?

…

I thought not.

Author's note: As of right now I have 6 Italy's and 9 Denmark's wandering around my screen… -_-.

…

I updated a day early! Love me! Praise me! Haha, I'm kidding. I need some writing advice guys, it's about another fic, I have three others I want to do and they're all multi-chapter, so I need to know if you guys would read any of them, if I find out some would, I'll post a poll. What they are is,

A – A marching band one. I really wanna write this one, but would anybody read it? I already know some roles for people, but tell me who would be a good band geek/orch dork/jock! Especially Vash. The main character would be Matthew, and would probably end up PruCan…

B – The Proposal remake, Hetalia style. I would need pairing recommendations, because the only two I can even remotely think of off the top of my head are FrUK and Spamano… so I'd need character suggestions.

And C – Miss Congeniality Hetalia remake, with either Hungary or Gilbert as Grace, I need character suggestions for this one too! Especially the pageant woman and Frank... and whatshisface- Stan.

I also need someone who knows Korean… and other languages so I can pick your brains for later chapter, especially Francis, because otherwise you're going to see Google Translate text, and that would suck…

Does anyone else think that We Are One from The Lion King 2 fits their odd little family? It makes me want to make an AMV…

I love all my reviewers! I'm sorry there wasn't more Vash in here again! I'm having issues fitting him in! Blaaah... Also, next chapter starts out with the image I got that started this all... And this part takes place... mid-july... because I say so, it works out better for the rest of the story...

Keep reading!

P.S. I NEED A BETA! Please?

P.P.S. Go read The Great Elevator Massacre of 2010. It's on a different site (livejournal I think…) so I'll post a link on my profile, it's hilarious!  
Same thing with... I'ts All Nice and Cute Working for the UN... not, they both made me laugh so hard! Also on here () is a story called How Prussia Stole Christmas... that's hilarious too!

P.P.P.S. As of now there are 10 Italy's and 8 Denmark's…


	13. On Top of the Fridge

The house was even more chaotic then usual. And by more chaotic, I mean that Gilbert was on top of the fridge yelling at Ivan, who just stood there 'kolkolkol-ing' the whole time while Feliciano was clinging to me, wailing in my ear to 'save big brother Gilbert!' and Vash looked on at this all like he wanted to shoot something… or someone. Yong Soo stood there filming the whole thing with a camera he probably stole from me (though I didn't even know that it existed), and Arthur sat at the table reading a book

I would have facepalmed if the phone hadn't rung; and if Feliciano hadn't been clinging to my free arm and back. And I wasn't trying to stir brownie batter.

I attempted to answer the phone, while yelling at everyone to shut up (it didn't work).

"Hello?"

"Hey Deli!" Why the hell was my sister calling me? And was it just me or did she sound drunk? "How are your little _housemates_?" I knew that she wanted to say fuck buddies, I just knew it. Call it a 'sixth sense' if you will.

"…They're just fine… why the hell are you calling?"

"Oh dear younger sister, don't you ever forget that _I control your future." _Bitch. How could I? One call from her to mom could send everything I'm so delicately holding up around me crashing to pieces. "Also, why is there so much screaming."

…

I resisted the urge to say 'orgy'. But only slightly.

"Gilbert's on top of the refrigerator." And I wanted Nutella. Maybe I'd send Vash to get some and- oh wait, the wicked Bitch of the East is talking again.

"-what exactly?"

…

How do you answer a question when you have no clue what that question is. Or at least half of that question?

…

I pulled an educated guess. In other words… I bullshited it.

"Screaming. Duh."

"About who dumbass?"

"…Ivan…"

"Oh."

Note to self: Sic Ivan on Jamie more often. It shuts her up.

"Get the fuck away from the awesome me you bastard and-"

"Kolkolkolkolkol-"

"Ve! Save big brother Gilbert! Veeeeee-"

"This is so going online, da ze-"

"Where the _fuck _are all my _bullets_!" Oh crap… Vash finally found out about that, ah-hahahahahahahahahaha…

Screw my life.

…

No, seriously.

Because this would end horribly.

"Bullets? What the hell is going on over there?"

"Sorry! Gotta go stop a mass murder before it begins! Bye, hate you!" And then I hung up.

…

Hahaha, I was _so _freaking dead.

But right now I had bigger issues, such as: Getting Gilbert off the fridge, and not letting Vash kill anyone.

I could deal with a homicidal older sister later. Right now I had to deal with the people I was actually living with, because if any of them killed each other, it would be _me _who has to bury the body and hide them from police.

Which; would be fun, sure, but way too much work and effort with nothing to gain from it besides a prison sentence if I got caught. Like I said though, not worth it.

"Everyone _shut the hell up!" _And the entire house fell silent.

Finally.

Thank God.

"Ve, big sister Deli is scary when she's mad." '

…

I chose to ignore that.

"Ivan, stop bothering Gilbert, and Gilbert… stop provoking him."

"The awesome-"

"Want to know what would be awesome right now? If you were to shut up; Feliciano it's all okay now, why don't you go make some pasta?" He cheered and took off. I knew how he felt, pasta made me feel that way too. "Yong Soo stop filming this, _now." _He huffed and turned off the camera with an irritated "da ze". "Vash… I'll order you some bullets, okay? Just be _quiet." _What he didn't know was that the bullets I would order wouldn't break skin. "And Arthur… well… you've done nothing wrong. You may continue." Also if my sister did have her eye on him… I didn't want to berate him for doing nothing.

Though she possibly had her eye on all of them, except Ivan.

…

And hopefully not Yong Soo, because that's illegal.

…

Knowing her… I don't think that she'd care too much though.

"Now I want to get something to eat before- Jesus Christ I'm going to be late for my appointment!" I screeched, looking up at the clock. Shit! This was bad!

Honk! Honk!

Oh yeah… I didn't have to walk across town. Thank God.

"Bye you guys! Don't do anything too stupid while I'm gone! Ivan leave Gilbert alone, and Gilbert just stay out of Ivan's way! Arthur, no cooking, and Vash don't you dare make any bullets out of anything, it'll cost a fortune! Yong Soo don't offend anyone, and everyone make sure that Feliciano doesn't burn the house down! Make sure that he turns off the stove, and all of you eat lunch! Bye!"

…

Why did I get the feeling that, that going away message would only get longer as time went on?

Probably because it's true, yes? Yes.

Not schizo.

"That's what you think." My ride said, as I got into the car. Meet Elfie, she's Dr. Florence's daughter-in-law, and really fun to be around.

"Oh, did I say that out-loud?"\

"Just a bit dearie."

"Hm… oh well." Elfie gave me a look as if to say 'my, what a crazy one you are', before I gave her a small glare, "Eyes on the road please. Even I know that." She sighed.

"Maybe you should be driving, I mean… what are you going to do when you turn 18 and don't have your permit anymore." I scowled.

"I don't like driving."

"Why not?"

"None of your business."

"…"

"I just don't like it." Because there was no way I could multitask while driving. It freaked me out too much, driving that is.

"Okay."

"Why is everyone in your family psych people? Doesn't your husband work in the mental ward?"

"…Yes."

"So… how about them pizza rolls?"

"They're delicious."

"That's what I think too, especially from LSP, I love the ones with mushrooms in them, freaking delicious."

"I know, right!"

…

Yes, this _is _how most of our conversations go. Yes, I am used to it. Yes, my conversations with _most people _are like this.

No, I'm not insane…

Okay, well maybe I am. Got a problem with it?

"We're here."

"Arigatou ne!"

"Erm… okay?"

"It's Japanese, it means thanks, with a bit of emphasis."

"How do you know this?"

"Google, and anime. Oh, and manga, and-"

"I get the point."

"Mmkay, adios!"

"Stop speaking foreign languages!"

"Nien!"

"What the crap!"

I slammed the car door and laughed. Confusing people was fun. I walked into the building, still laughing and the receptionist gave me a surprised look.

"Deli! You've finally come for another appointment!" I nodded, chuckling. "Dr. Florence is waiting for you." I stop chuckling and rolled my eyes, oh how she would lecture me about canceling all of my appointments, but I had been busy!

…

Even if I had canceled all of them just because it was a hassle to get to the office and back, and took too much time out of my life. Even if all I did was watch anime, and read fanfiction and manga.

"Delilah Maria Cipriano! What the hell were you thinking; canceling all of your appointments?" I flinched, see. I told you.

"It was a hassle."

"It's a hassle to make sure that you're mentally okay?"

"But dear Dr. Florence, I know for a fact that I'm _not _mentally okay. Coming to a session just to hear that confirmed really has no meaning."

"Stop being such a smart-ass." She pointed her finger at me, her black hair tied into a ponytail that hung below her shoulders, while wearing a dark grey suit and heels. I was slightly jealous of her darker skin tone, which she had considering she was Native American. Her brown eyes crackled and I shrunk under her wrath.

Scary psychiatrist...

"Sorry. I also have some new housemates now." I say down in a puffy armchair and pulled the coverlet over my shoulders. Warm…

"Yes, which concerns me a bit."

"You already knew this?"

"Your mother called."

"…Oh…" I scowled.

"Yes, anyways. I'm worried because I thought we established that you functioned better on your own, _away _from people." I scowled even harder.

"You make me feel like a robot."

"Answer the question Deli."

"What question? I heard no question."

"_Why do you have people living with you?" _The real question here that the adults should be asking is whether or not the people I was living with were male or female. But of course they don't, because they _trust me. _Which makes being a rebel no fun to tell you the truth, if you come home late at night and your parents ask where you were and you reply 'a massive orgy', they just laugh, even if it's true.

…

Which, is actually kind of hilarious; in a depressing way.

But moving on, because my psychiatrist so didn't need to know that I lived in a house full of boys and was groped at _least _three times per day (It barely even registers that much anymore, it's just extremely annoying).

"Internet, to be exact."

"…What?"

"I accidentally ordered them off the internet. Kind of like Absolute Boyfriend except with out the same ending, because that would severely suck."

"…I have no clue what you're talking about other then the fact you ordered your roommates off of the internet. Which is actually really confusing. Explain."

"Well it all started with a pop-up and… to make stories short I have 6 people-slash-units living in my house. So they're _housemates _not _roommates_ to be exact."

"…You ordered people off of the internet?"

"It was free. Besides, better with me then someone who will molest them, yes? Yes." Even if I'm the one who ends up getting molested because of it.

"…Isn't that illegal?"

"No, because they're very possibly robots."

"…What makes you think that?"  
"Well for one thing, they're too In Character."

"…What?"

"Don't worry about it, they're living with me of they're own free will, I was joking."

"…Are you sure?"

"Yes, you're reaction was actually kind of hilarious."

"Stop joking around about that, now how did you meet these people?"

"Well, I really did meet them on the internet, we're online buddies."

"That's extremely dangerous."  
"I know this."

"Well then don't make stupid decisions."

"They're good friends."

"…Fine. Why don't you tell me about them."

"Well Feliciano is the newest person to arrive, he's adorable and from Italy. He loves pasta and is really spacey, but nice enough. Yong Soo is the one closest to my age and he's from Korea, he likes drama and refuses to wear anything other then a hanbok, which is a traditional Korean way of dress. He like drama's and kimchi. He's pretty nice, but treats me like a younger sister and is _way _too overprotective-"

"Wait a second, you're living with _men?" _

Oh crap.

"Um… yes, but they all treat me like a younger sister and it's so annoying. Please don't' tell my mom!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"…Because then they'd have no place to go, and they're really good friends and I promise that nothing's going on between us, and please don't tell her because then my life will be ruined!" I took a deep breath. Run on sentences really take a lot out of a girl.

"I highly doubt that nothing is going on-"

"But nothing is! Like I said, they all treat me like a little sister and it's extremely annoying most of the time, like when I went on my date. God, they're so over-protective, and they flip out over everything. Except Feliciano, so far at least. He's kind of like a younger brother with the way he acts."

"…Really?"

"Stop doubting me dammit. And don't you dare call my mom."

"This is serious Deli, it may not be safe for you-"

"Like hell it isn't. Wait a couple weeks and decide then at least. Please?"

"…Fine, but no canceling any sessions. _At all." _

"Fine, fine, fine… now where was I? Oh yeah, I talked about Yong Soo right? Well he's kind of a pervert, but so is Gilbert who is Prussian, yes I did just say Prussian, anyways, he's Gilbert doesn't like Ivan who actually kind of does like Gilbert, and he's in run with Yong Soo for 'most annoying big brother wannabe of the year'…" I went on describing them for the whole session, when I left she didn't think I saw it, but I did. She smiled, as if she was glad I was actually getting some normal human interaction.

…

I wonder if Gilbert ever got off of the top of the fridge?

Author's note: I HAS BETA!

And I also think one of my readers cursed me, because whenever I go a day or two over how long I saw I'm going to update at, I always get hurt, now my wrist is _possibly _broken. I don't know, but it hurts a ton. I'm cursed I tell you! The last time I got hurt like this was when I said I'd update on Wednesday and when I didn't, on Thursday I got hit in the back with a tennis ball!

Cuuuuursed.

Anyways, I LOVE ALL MY REVIEWERS AND MY BETA! You all completely rock, .

I'm nearly to 150 reviews, and the… 158th reviewer will get a present (if they so choose), and yes, that was a completely random number.

HOMECOMING WEEK IS THIS WEEK! I will be busy (such as… I leave for the bus around 7:00 a.m. and won't be home till… around… 9:30 p.m. because of marching band, speaking of…).

Also, the next story I post (I'll still be writing this one, don't worry), will be the marching band one, so I need suggestions on what people should do what! Also, what should Vash do, I'm torn in-between making him a snare drummer (look up the Top Secret Drum Core, they're freaking kick-ass! … and Swiss I'm pretty sure (which is half why I want him to be a snare drummer)), or drum major, and give me other ideas! Except for Raivus, he's going to be a Sousaphone (Tuba) player… because the mental image is too much to pass up. Also… if there's marching band kids out there… is it parade REST or parade HEST? I've heard it both ways…

Thank you all!

~Keep reading!

P.S. There will be an OC non-nation in the marching band fic, but it's only because I know I'll get stuck in some parts and with her I'll be able to move it along… also… is ANYONE interested in reading more Argentina fics? If not… she's still going to make appearances. So, ha!

P.P.S. ...Go watch SkadiPirate's videos on youtube for the Hetalia characters! I _dare _you not to get any of the songs stuck in your head!


	14. Like The Stork, But Not Really

You know, that knocking didn't seem so dreadful anymore. It felt more like… the stork, bringing another family member home. Then again, Bernie was a mailman and not a bird. Thank God, I'd think I was tripping out if I saw a giant bird on my porch. I stood up and looked at the door… because truthfully I had been sitting right in front of it.

_Knock-knock-knock._

"Are you going to answer the door already?" Vash yelled in an irritated voice from upstairs, just having gotten home from the bank. Where he now works.

…

At least someone is. Working, that is.

"Dammit Vash! You gave away my position!" I screeched, pulling a James Bond like barrel roll to the side of the door before popping up and opening it.

"I knew you were there the whole time," Bernie said, giving me a strange look and shooing me out of the way before puling the box in.

"Okay Mr. Stork." He paused then shook his head.

"I'm not going to ask. That seems like the safer decision..." I nodded.

"Good choice."

:Okay, here's the manual and your mail."

"…You got my mail for me?"

"Um… yes?"

"That's… kinda stalkerish."

"No. Not really."

"…Whatever you say Bernie, whatever you say."

"Glad you finally see it my way."

"You cannot date the mailman, da ze!" Yong Soo yelled from the kitc hen where he happened to be… unluckily for me.

"Wha-what? No! Never! Nien!"

"I agree with her!" Bernie and I gave each other horrified looks and he handed me my mail and manual before leaving. I stood there in shock for a little while before moving.

…

There was something mentally wrong with Yong Soo. That much was obvious, yes? Yes!

Not schizo…

Well… at least not according to Dr. Florence. But then again I hadn't seen her in weeks until yesterday. Maybe I'd become schizo in that amount of time. Very schizo.. extremely schizo…

Okay, now I was just sounding insane.

I looked at the unopened envelope in my hands and ripped it open revealing a name.

MATTHEW WILLIAMS: User Guide and Manual.

I shrieked.

"What the bloody hell!" - England

"Is something wrong?" - Ivan

"What the hell's going on?" – Vash

"Ve! Deli are you okay?" – Feli

"Deli, why are you screaming, da ze?" – Yong Soo

"It wasn't me!" – Gilbert

"It's a relatively sane person! HOLY CRAP I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME!"

"You are saying we are not sane, _da?" _Ivan asked, taking the box down.

"Da, I mean yah, I mean, yes. Sorry Ivan, but none of you are particularly sane." He shrugged and walked back into the kitchen. I stood there for a minute internally wondering whether to feel relieved or scared that he hadn't reacted much. Maybe Ivan was saner then I thought… holy crap! Call the press!

Kidding. I hope.

I glanced over the guide as grinned. I could always make poutine, but I'd leave that to the professional. What really sounded fun was option 3. Considering it had Lady Gaga listed… I laughed evilly before running up the stairs (nearly tripping I might add) grabbing my laptop and racing back down the stairs.

"And now… for the love of Bad Romance!" I yelled, hitting the 'play' button. As Lady Gaga blasted from my speakers I grinned evilly as shouting came from the box.

"Alfred for the last time! I! Am! Not! Dating! Lady! Gaga!" I burst out laughing as I struggled to open the box as profanities were yelled from inside. At least I think they were profanities, because they were all in French. So for al I know he could have been praising America's greatness, but I'd heard about a strip where he bitched Alfred out for 3 hours straight and made him cry, so I highly doubted that.

Plus considering he was locked in a box right now I would swear too. Really loudly at that.

After I finally opened the box I looked at the furious Canadian inside.

"Hi Matthew, I'm Deli, like where you get meat, hahahahaha. That's actually horrible because guys have said that to me, but they were jackasses." His eyes widened at my explosive excitement, and also probably at me being able to see him. "So I hear you're not dating Lady Gaga."

"Yes, well… it wouldn't work out," He confessed quietly.

"Yeah she wears really strange clothes doesn't she?"

"I thought I was the only person to notice!"

"No it's pretty obvi- HOLY CRAP!"

"Your breasts belong to me, da ze!" Yong Soo shouted into my ear at such a loud volume my head spun. I struggled in vain.

"What the hell! Let me go! And STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!" I shrieked, extremely pissed off, Matthew just looked on with a strange look on his face, "And hgow are you so strong anyway? You _never _work out! _Never!_"

…

He just cackled, before letting me go and running upstairs.

…

WHY WAS EVERYONE SO INSANE?

Author's note: Sorry this chapter is about half the size of my normal chapters… and around 2 weeks late. Also this is un-betaed, I'll repost the betaed version when I get it, I'm so freaking sorry…

I'll keep everything short, I've posted a new story up, go take a look. And am writing a new story, which I hope to have done by Christmas.

I'm going to start updating every 2 weeks, hopefully on Mondays, and Yao will make an appearance in about… 2 chapters. You know, just letting all of his fangirls know.

To all my AMV making readers... go make an AMV with America and the song King of Anything, because it just goes so well with him. And I'll give you a fic, it'll just take half of forever to be put up.

You all really are the best readers I could ask for.

Keep reading!

P.S. I'm writing for NaNoWriMo, wish me luck! I'll still update! Also, school is completely kicking my ass... and winning.

P.P.S. I really am sorry about how short this chapter is, the shortness of it makes me feel crappy.


	15. He Sat Down

It wasn't until two hours later I realized that I 'got' mail (stupid AOL, bad grammar!). Damn TVTropes! They just suck you in! And refuse to let you live a normal life…

Okay, my life really isn't all that normal. But still. It's to make a point, yes? Yes!

Not schizo.

…

I think.

I had been sitting on my bed, minding my own business, when I heard a scream, I looked outside of my door to see Gilbert run past, screaming his lungs out and Ivan standing at the end of the hall. Just outside of where Gilbert's door happened to be, I shook my head as Matthew poked his head out too, probably wondering how the hell he got sent to this crazy place, out of all the people who ordered units. People who probably willingly ordered them at that. I had just ordered them by accident.

It was then I remembered about the mail.

"Oh craps!" I squealed (yes, squealed, got anything to say about it?), and booked it down into the kitchen to grab it.

"…Maple…" I heard behind me.

I bent over at my waist, gasping, as I glanced at the pile of mail on the counter. When was the last time I had even checked the mail box?

Oh yeah, last week. After my last appointment with Dr. Florence, which was tomorrow, so I should probably stick post-it notes everywhere to remind myself. Just in case I conveniently 'forgot', considering all the housework I had to do…

Though I could always rope a couple of reluctant nations into doing it all. Which would be extremely helpful considering, well… I really didn't want to do it. At all. I also wasn't all that good at cleaning. Wouldn't I make a terrific housewife?

…

Don't answer that. Please.

I stood up and snatched the mail as Arthur watched me with a strange look on his face. Bill, bill, bill, school, bill – wait! I grabbed the envelope from school back up from where I had carelessly thrown it on the counter and gave the envelope a wide-eyed look, before glaring at it.

Stupid school. I wish I didn't have to go… but then I smirked. Why?

Because, Yong Soo would be coming with me this year, and I just couldn't wait to see his face when he realized he would have to endure the torture that is the American public high school system. Then again, knowing Yong Soo, he'd probably be overjoyed at going to school. If only to grope more people then he usually does. Still, maybe he'd end up horrified, you never quite know with him. He's like a box of chocolates; you never quite know what you'll get.

And yes, I did just quote Forest Gump at you (kinda). Deal with it.

Either way though, I win. Now I wouldn't have to suffer through all the crap by myself, and by crap I mean the general population of the school, the homework, the reports, and all that fun stuff. Although… it would probably be a bit hard for him to act as a normal person. Still, he would need an education; I refuse to not let him get one.

"Hey Yong- Ahhhhhhh!" I shrieked as an arm was thrown around my shoulder.

"Why are you calling for Yong Soo and not the awesome me?" I gave the albino a strange look, as if to say 'the crap is wrong with you?'.

"Do _you _want to go to a public high school? An _American _one at that?" He visibly paled, and took his arm from around my shoulders.

"Gotta go." He took off, out of the room and I cackled.

Well, now I knew who would be forced to go to parent-teacher conferences. Maybe him _and _Ivan. Oh yes, that would be priceless.

Ahem, I'll put that evil plotting aside for later and finish with this plan right now.

"Deliiiii! Gilbert said you wanted to see me, da ze!" I grinned evilly before turning to the spastic Korean.

"Oh yes, about that Yong Soo… you see, I'm afraid we have to schedule a meeting."

"M-meeting, da ze?" He went stock still, I have a feeling it had something to do with the smile I couldn't hold back anymore.

"Why yes. You see, we need to register you for school."

"No! I wholesomely refuse, da ze!" he started to run off but I grabbed him by the back of his hanbok and pulled him close.

"Too bad, get your shoes on." I told him, he went limp and whimpered. I grinned again.

Note to self: Threatening Nations with the idea of public school is extremely useful and productive, considering it seems to be a common fear.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-One day later-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Hello, I'm here to see Miss Ramirez." I said, as Yong Soo stood behind me, staring wide-eyed at everything. The miracle that is public school, yes? No. Not in the least. It was the people he'd have to worry about.

"Oh yes, she's in her office, down the hall and to the left." I grinned and thanked the woman who sat at the desk before turning towards Yong Soo. He gave me one last dose of puppy-dog eyes. I just shook my head and started down the hallway. I heard him hurry after me as I neared the door. I stood there for a moment before peeking my head in the room.

"Erm.. Hello?"

"Hello! You must be Delilah-"

"Deli."

"And that must be Yong Soo! Come in, come in."

…

Is it just me or is she a bit _too _cheerful? Too much crack on her cereal, perhaps?

"Hello, da ze…"

"Well aren't you cute! Let's get your schedule made; I'm sure you'll fit in just fine!" Did this woman even look outside of her office? For some reason her presence made me feel even worse about my school then I had already. "Have you taken a foreign language before?"

"…Yes, da ze." He probably knew more languages then you do,  
I thought.

"Which ones? We offer French and Spanish here." I glanced at him.

"I know French pretty well, da ze. And a little Spanish."

"How much Spanish do you know?"

"A little, da ze." I nearly laughed, was he being snarky on purpose? I thought that was Canada's job! "Are you taking a foreign language Deli, da ze?" I calmed myself.

"Yes. Spanish 2, before you ask." The counselor gave us a look.

"So would you like to take the same course as Deli?"

"Yes, da ze!"

"Yes _please. _Yong Soo, be polite."

"But Deli, I didn't do anything, da ze!" I glared at him.

"Okay, and you're enrolling as a sophomore, correct?"

"Yes, he is. So he'll need to take gym." She nodded and wrote it down.

"Okay, what extra circulars are you interested in?" He gave her a strange look.

"Choose another class. Also, shouldn't you ask him about his History options?"

"Oh, yes. Would you like to take US History for the year, or World History and Economics?"

"World History, da ze!" He exclaimed, standing up.

"Sit back down." I told him. He quickly sat back down, still smiling. I shook my head sadly.

"You should probably take a learning center," I told him; he gave me a puzzled look. "Study hall," I elaborated.

"Oh…"

"…"

"Da ze." I knew that was coming.

"Mmkay, well, here's the course book. Look through it and make sure there's nothing else you would like to do. Also here's the rest of your paperwork. It needs to be filled out by the time you come back." The guidance counselor said, smiling. I gave her a tight lipped grin back and stood up.

"Thank you again."

"Thank you, da ze!"

"It was no problem." I nodded and left the room.

Little did I realize the horrors awaiting me when I got home.

Author's note: My beta went missing. I'll post the beta'ed version when I get it. I'm sorry everyone!

Especially for the cliffhanger. Both of them.

My lava lamp is broken now as payment. ;_; (And no, it wasn't me that broke it. It's just... old -_-)

Keep reading!


	16. In Which Matthew Gets Scarred For Life

The last thing I expected when I opened the door to my house was to see a blur run out it and cower behind me, a Russia sized one quickly following after.

"Save me, aru!" Everything paused for a minute until Yong Soo seemed to realize who was using me as a human shield. His eyes lit up, and not in a particularly good way, more like the way they do when he's about to molest someone (usually me).

"Aniki!" I heard a small 'eep!' come from behind me and I looked behind me at the him, then looked at Yong Soo, then turned my gaze to Ivan, then looked back at the person behind me before shaking my head sadly.

The world hated me.

Why the _hell _did I get two, TWO, new units in one day?

Granted one of them was China and the other was Canada, so maybe the world didn't hate me _that _much.

I looked back up just in time to see Yong Soo spring into action. I ducked, pulling China down with me, isn't his name Yao? Or was it Mao… it was Yao, Mao was the guy from Code Geass. I think.

Let's just go with Yao.

Anyways.

Yong Soo flew over our heads, and onto an unlucky Matthew Williams, who just so happened to be rounding the corner.

"Maple!" He screamed, disappearing under a hyperactive Korean. I stared in horror as I fought the urge to laugh. Yao looked a bit shell-shocked. I got the feeling neither he, nor Matthew, were having a particularly good first day.

Grinning I stood up, pulling Yao to his feet and pushing him through the door, past Ivan.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkol…" Nearly running into the house, I turned around and closed the door before looking out the peephole to see him still staring in the direction of Yong Soo and Matthew, as muffled curses could still be heard through the door from the, currently being molested, Canadian.

Yep. Today probably wasn't their favorite day.

"So," I began, as Yao turned to me, "How the hell did you get here exactly?"

"I don't know! All I know is that I woke up in the dark and then the door opened days later and _he _was staring at me," He wailed, burying his face in his hands. I awkward patted the poor unit on the back and looked around for someone to explain everything to me.

"Some guy brought him to the door, said his name was Bernie and to say hi to you," Vash explained from the couch, where he sat, polishing his gun, "There was something weird on the side. It looked like a-"

"Flying mint bunny?" I asked, knowingly. He nodded as Arthur whipped around the side of the doorframe of the kitchen.

" Flying mint bunny! Where?" He demanded, I gave him a weird look before deciding it was probably best not to answer him.

"And there was one on his shirt?" I asked, making sure, Vash nodded and a horrified gasp was heard. I turned towards it to see Arthur slack jawed and staring blankly at us.

"There's a… flying mint bunny… On his… shirt?" His voice sounded like he was being strangled while gargling tacs.

"It's not a _live _flying mint bunny," I reassured him… or, attempted to at least, by how his face twisted up horribly, I got the feeling that I was doing it wrong. "It wasn't a dead one either." His disturbed face quickly morphed into one of horror.

"Please tell me that it wasn't a zombie," He begged. I stared at him in a "are you high on acid _again, _Arthur?" way. "Don't give me that look. I'm perfectly sane."

"That's what everyone tells themselves in this house," I said to him, with a sad look. He glared at me before stomping out of the room like a prepubescent girl. I heard Vash snicker as he left the room too. I turned toward Yao, as he stared at the place where Arthur had run off to with a smile on his face.

Oh yeah, they weren't on the best terms with each other, were they?

…

Oh well.

This would be interesting I thought as I walked into the kitchen at the same time as a ruffled looking Matthew ran in. I stopped and watched in awe as he slammed the door and slumped against it, panting and apparently exhausted as he closed his eyes.

"...Maple..." I continued over to the microwave before turning to Yao.

"Would you like to cook dinner?" I asked as Feli came in. He stopped, tilted his head, and let out a long "veeee". I could feel my eye begin to twitch.

"And no pasta, please."

"No!" Feli shouted, running over to me. "Pasta!"

"We've had pasta for two weeks straight-"

"But pasta is delicious and good and kind-"

"And I think everyone's going to throw you out a window if-"

"But- but it's pasta, and-"

"They have to eat it one more time."

There was a pause.

"What about-"

"No pizza either."

"Nooooo!" He wailed, crumpling into a ball. I stared on imapassively as he curled up, crying for a minute, before he went quiet and peeked out at me. Then he promptly started wailing. Again.

"Feli-"

"Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Feli please-"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Feli sto-"

"Pastaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Feliciano I swear to God if you don't -"

"Pizzaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Stop right now I'll throw all the pasta out."

"Nooooooooooot the pastaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"_Oh my fucking God! Feliciano, stop!" _I shrieked, cradling my pounding head in my hands. He stopped and looked at me with a tear stained face and puppy dog eyes. ?I almost fell for it.

Almost, but not quite. A person can only take so much spaghetti until they snap.

It was the noodle that broke the camel's back I suppose.

…

I wonder if a camel ever broke it's back from carrying too much pasta?

That wasn't the issue though.

"No noodles, aru?" Yao asked, tilting his head.

"Preferably."

"Well that narrows things down, aru."

"Sorry," I apologized, his eyes shined in determination.

"Don't apologize, I see it as a challenge." He looked thoughtful for a minute. "Do you have Kai Lan, aru?" I paused thinking back to all the food I'd had to specially order in preparation for... who ever the hell was going to arrive next. Which included Salmiakki. And various other foods.

"Erm... I think. It looks lettuce-celery... stuff right?" He gave me a weird look. "It's green?"

"I'll go look, aru." I sighed and leaned against the counter, and looked up to see Matthew staring off into the distance.

"You have some."

"EEEEEK!" I shot up like that fat kid going up the pipe in Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Yao gave me a strange look before getting the rest of the ingredients for... whatever he was making.

"Erm... so whatcha making?"

"Stir fried pork with kai lan." Mmm, stir-fry. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had stir-fry, all I could remember was pasta. And more pasta.

And there was pizza once too.

And then the pasta was brought to an end because Arthur attempted to use the last of it to cook something, and if Feliciano had found out what happenedto his beloved pasta he'd have a heart attack.

I don't think I have to point out that Gilbert had been the one to put him up to it.

…

Oops. Too late.

I sat down in a chair and watched as Yao wandered around the kitchen.

"It's not pasta?" Vash asked, walking in. I glared at him, because more then likely he was in on the pasta-ruining plot, and thus the reason I would have to get up really early to go get some in the morning.

I sat there and watched as everyone started in, Gilbert, covered in dirt for some reason, and Yong Soo, who gave Yao a predatory look. Feliciano ran in, cheerful once again, asking what kind of pasta we should get. Which I took to mean he had found out about the fact we were completely out. Yao said that he would come with us so that he could get things too.

Then I noticed two people were missing.

"Where's Arthur and Ivan?" Everyone shrugged simultaneously.

"I'll go look with you," Matthew volunteered.

"Thank you, Matthew. That's kind of you." I said, standing up.

"Hurry up, aru. I'm almost done cooking." I nodded as I stood up, and left the room.

"We should probably check inside, first," Matthew suggested. I nodded, and wee went up the stairs.

"What's that... noise?" We gave each other a quick look before following the sound over to a door.

"Oh-no!" Matthew said, I gave him a weird look as he opened the door.

…

…

…

I quickly slammed the door shut and ran down the stairs, my hands slapped over my eyes as I stumbled into the living room. I could hear Matthew following me.

"My virgin eyes!"I shrieked. Running into a wall and promptly fell on my ass. I uncovered my eyes just in time to see a small black cat fly out at me. "Eeeeek!" I rolled out of the way as she hit the ground running.

"Mrow."

"Hello psycho," I said, and started to bang my head against a wall. All I wanted to do was go back eleven chapters and find that nice piece of wood that had almost killed me and gently proceed to _impale my brain with it. _Anything to get those images of... _that._

From somewhere to the right of me I heard a whimper.

"That... was my room."

…

Poor Matthew.

Author's note: I'm alive! Sorry this took so long (a month) to get out. I'll try to make it up to you all! Read: Get my chapters out on time.

In other news... I need a new beta I think. I still haven't heard from my old one... ;_;

In happy news, what's this? http :/ ur-a-baka95 .deviantart. com/gallery/#/d31f9hv

If you can't see it, then I'll just tell you. It's a link. It'll be up on my profile. Why? Pshhhhh, it's FANART! No one knows how happy I am about this. I've never, NEVER gotten fanart. For anything. I also have over 200 reviews. I'd write a fic for one of you but... I still need to finish that one that I need to finish... then I can.

(My mom annoys me...)

I kind of want an RP buddy... but I haven't RP'ed since the Artemis Fowl fandom. So... yeah...

I feel like crap...

THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING!

I need crack pairing ideas. And regular pairing ideas, for this one. The crack ones are for something completely different. That you may or may not ever find out about.

Thriller is playing right now. I just had to share that.

TVTropes = kick ass.

This is going nowhere.

My mom made really watery chili for dinner and I was all like, DX

The food Yao made took me a little while to find. But it's real.

Keep reading!


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